


A Romance

by islandsmoke



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Coming Out, M/M, Romance, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-30
Updated: 2009-11-30
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:45:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandsmoke/pseuds/islandsmoke
Summary: Two gay men, one closeted, one out, meet while working on a railroad in a small town.  Can they overcome their history and their fears?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2009 Snupin Santa Gift Exchange as a gift for the lovely busaikko. She wanted a "non-magical AU, supermarket-aisle paperback romance with unusual careers."
> 
> Warnings: Canon characters pop in and out of the story, and while (hopefully) the personalities are true to canon, the relative ages aren't.
> 
> Notes: Thanks to betas Jane Average for fast, last minute quality enhancement work, Lee, for giving me encouragement and that all-important place to start, and the most wonderful Hogwarts Honey - cheerleader, hand-holder, and nit-picker - who spent countless hours trading dozens of emails and generally helping with every aspect of the process. Special thanks go to Jim, who, when it comes to driving trains, is the real thing, and who spent hours on the phone with me answering questions. You guys rock.

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v377/tinkert/?action=view&current=romance.jpg)

_I get this feeling I may know you_  
_as a lover and a friend_  
_but this voice keeps whispering_  
_in my other ear, tells me_  
_I may never see you again._  
_~The Eagles_

~~~~

"You've got the new guy today." Arthur sorted through papers on his desk, looking, as always, for something he never seemed to find.

Remus finished filling his travel mug with coffee from the communal pot and added sweetener. "He qualified already?" There was surprise in his voice. Severus Snape, the "new guy," had only been with them for a week. Qualification usually took longer.

"Filch says he's good to go."

"Then he surely is." Remus had to laugh. Filch was notoriously hard on new crewmembers.

"Must be a 'by-the-book' type." Arthur looked up for a moment. "You two should get along."

Remus shrugged. So he followed the rules. There were worse traits for an engineer to have. "What else is he like?"

"About your age." Arthur eyed Remus where he slouched against the counter of the dispatcher's office. "About your height. Quiet, for the most part. Old hippie type."

Remus thought about that for a moment. "You mean he has long hair?"

"And an earring. Rides an old motorcycle, too." Arthur grunted.

"Maybe he's an old biker type, then." Remus couldn't help teasing.

Arthur gave him a sour look. "I don't care if he's an old Hare Krishna, long as he can do the job."

Remus stretched. "That's what I like about you, Arthur: your liberal mind."

Arthur stopped moving papers and began to dig in the bottom drawer. "Smart, too. Used to be a teacher or something." He gave up his search and took a swallow of coffee. "Doesn't seem to think much of us working types."

"You know that after a week?" Remus was surprised.

Arthur looked uncomfortable; he wasn't an unkind man. "Well, maybe that's just an impression. I dunno." He frowned, looking for the right words. "He dresses like the rest of us, but somehow manages to look better."

"You mean he has class, and the rest of us don't?" Remus laughed.

"Don't you have something to do?" Arthur's smile took the bite out of the words.

Remus started turning toward the doorway – "Not until my man comes..." – and found himself face to face with a stranger. In the single paused heartbeat, he was vaguely aware of black hair, parted in the middle and pulled back; a prominent nose; and a thin, expressive mouth. It was the eyes that held him, the eyes that sent a surge of sensation through his body, glittering dark eyes that shone with intelligence, humor, and... Remus stopped breathing, as he saw one eyebrow travel slowly upward. "...in. To work." He finished on a slightly strangled note.

He breathed again as he stepped back a pace, every nerve ending tingling with awareness. "You must be Severus." He offered his hand, trying to behave normally, trying to behave as though this man was not the most arresting person he'd come face to face with in ages.

"That's right." Severus took his hand in a warm, firm clasp. His voice was deep and dark, and sent another frisson of sensation down Remus' spine.

Remus nodded dumbly as he released Severus's hand, but Severus waited just a fraction before loosening his own grip. _Just a fraction, a meaningless fraction,_ Remus told himself.

"And you are...?"

"That's Remus Lupin." Arthur, sounding disgusted, waved a hand. "You'll be working with him. He's an idiot, as you can see, but he's good."

"Is he, now?" Severus's speculative reply was so soft Remus barely heard it. Remus was certain he saw the corner of that expressive mouth quirk in amusement, and felt his face flush.

Remus turned back to the coffee pot, needlessly fiddling with his mug. "Coffee before we head out?"

"No, thanks. I sampled Arthur's coffee the first day, and as I don't have a death wish, that was enough for me."

Remus laughed, suddenly relaxing. "Didn't take you long to catch on. With some of us, the need for caffeine is so great we'll risk anything."

"Ha. Ha." Arthur didn't really sound affronted; he was used to people making fun of his coffee. "Here." He dropped a sheaf of papers on the edge of the desk. "Nothing special: take some cars out, bring others back." He snorted. "It's mostly hoppers and boxes today, a couple of flat cars of sheet-metal for Greater Steel, and five box cars of bricks to go from Dresden to Northampton, so, no humping."

Remus glanced at the way bills, then handed the papers to Severus, and fixed Arthur with a steady look. "I _never_ hump."

Arthur raised his hands. "Fine. Just sayin'."

Remus grabbed a two-way radio out of the charger and tossed it to Severus, then took one for himself and shoved it in his pocket. Finally, he picked up the small knapsack he always carried, along with his mug, and turned. "Shall we?"

Severus lifted his chin a fraction and flicked his eyes over Remus. "Any time."

They had only gone a few steps out of the office when Severus asked quietly, "Never?"

Remus's mind was elsewhere. "What?" But Severus just smirked and walked on.

Remus closed his eyes briefly before following Severus off the platform. _Does the man speak in nothing but innuendos?_ No. He was imagining things, he scolded himself. A man like Severus would hardly be interested in someone like himself.

Severus started out briskly, then shortened his stride. It was done so casually that Remus could almost think Severus wasn't doing it to accommodate his slower pace. They walked side by side across the tracks to the big green-and-yellow GP7 locomotive that the River Central Railroad used for hauling freight, and for the first time in years, Remus was keenly aware of the frozen knee joint in his right leg. He distracted himself by studying Severus covertly: about his height, slender build, black hair with a slight frosting of silver tied back in a short ponytail, and yes, that was a diamond stud in his ear. Remus was suddenly aware of the empty piercings in his own ears. _Well, so what?_ Severus was dressed in standard jeans and heavy work boots, with an old green sweatshirt over a black tee shirt. Arthur was right, though. Even wearing the same type clothes, he somehow managed to look different. The word _elegant_ flashed across Remus's mind, and he almost scoffed aloud. What would a man with natural elegance, and, Remus had to admit as they scrambled over the rails, grace, be doing working on a railroad?

 _Why not?_ Remus's inner voice scolded. Nothing wrong with trains, and all sorts of people were drawn to them, weren't they?

Remus clambered up the ladder to the cab of the 100-ton diesel and entered the engine compartment. He checked the fluid levels, closed the battery contacts with the big knife switch, primed the engine, and fired it up. He felt the same brief thrill he always did as the massive motor rumbled to life: all that power pulsing steadily under his feet, waiting for him to direct it.

In the cab, Severus was going over the way bills and making notes in a small, spiral-bound note pad with a stubby pencil. His eyes flickered over Remus when he came in.

"We need to pick up five empty box cars at the quay, then three empty flats at Greater Steel. We leave the empty boxes at Crumb Rock and pick up six empty hoppers. The flats get dropped at Dresden, and the hoppers, along with the boxes of bricks, go to Northampton. We pick up two loaded flats on the way back through Dresden, to be added to the –" he shuffled papers "– seven loaded hoppers we get in Northampton." He looked up. "Got that?"

Remus blandly recited the list back to Severus, and received an appreciative nod in return. Remus then smiled. "Just don't expect me to remember all that in another twenty minutes." He checked over his gauges. "Ready when you are."

Severus grabbed the red flag and swung out of the cab and down the ladder, heading for the first switch that would bring them out of the yard and onto the main track. He yanked the lever over, then reached for his radio.

"Move back!" His voice crackled over Remus's radio, and Remus pulled the lever to the reverse position, activated the bell, eased the engine into run 1 and released the brake. As soon as he had cleared the switch, Severus's "Stop move!" brought him to a halt. Severus reset the switch and walked around the engine to flag the crossing. His command of "Move back!" got the engine rolling again, and when the locomotive cleared the intersection, Remus shut off the bell. Severus stepped up on the ladder to ride to the next crossing that had to be manually flagged. Most of the intersections were gated, but not all, and progress was painstakingly slow.

Arriving at the quay, it was a simple matter to hitch on to the box cars. Severus connected the air lines, and at his word, Remus charged them. Severus inspected each car to make sure the brakes were working, then he released the manual brakes, and they set off across town again.

Finally, they were clear of the city limits. Severus could come back in the cab, and Remus could put on a little speed before the next crossing. Their next stop was an hour away.

"I want to re-make the cars at Greater Steel. There'll be more room there than at Crumb Rock."

Remus nodded. They would have to shuffle the cars somewhere, and doing it at Greater Steel made the most sense. The conductor was in charge of everything except the actual running of the engine, so it was Severus's call, whether Remus agreed or not, but it was, of course, nice to agree. Remus eased into run 3.

They pulled into Dresden a few hours later, and Remus thought this would be a good test for his new conductor. They had done a simple shuffle of cars at Greater Steel, but this was more complex. Adding, removing, and reshuffling cars – in other words, re-making the train – was a bit like playing chess. Severus, it seemed, was a master chess-player, directing the dropping of cars here, the picking up of others there, and taking apart and putting the train back together in an efficient and expedient fashion.

Hitching onto the last five cars required, as so many moves did, that Remus back blindly onto a siding, pushing a string of cars.

"Move back ten boxes." Severus's curt command to back ten box-car lengths came over the radio. Remus engaged the engine and eased off the brakes.

Remus was just wondering where Severus was when his voice came over the radio again. "Move back six." Remus smiled. He made it a rule that if he had not heard from his conductor by the time he had traveled half the distance, he stopped and waited until he _did_ hear. Severus, apparently, operated the same way.

"Back four. Back three. Back two." Remus eased the engine out of gear. "Back one." He applied a little brake. "Forty... thirty... twenty... ten... five...." Remus braked harder, then felt the gentle bump of the cars connecting just before he came to a full stop. He waited while Severus connected the air and inspected the brakes, then saw Severus pass the engine and head for the main track. After checking the switch, and looking both ways, Severus called him ahead. Severus stopped him when he cleared the switch, then reset it and jogged forward to climb on the engine.

"Good to go."

Remus picked up the mike of the base radio that kept the train in contact with the dispatchers. "River Central clear for Northampton?"

"River Central clear for Northampton." The dispatcher's bored voice came back, and Remus started the slow process of getting all the cars rolling. There were six inches of slack in each knuckle hitch between cars, and if that slack wasn't taken up gently, the last car – and its cargo – could get snapped like a person at the end of a game of crack-the-whip. He felt each car as it tugged against its hitch, and soon they were all rolling. The signal ahead was green, and he eased the big locomotive forward, reaching for the lever to sound the two long, one short, and one long blasts of the horn that signaled their approach to a crossing.

(Click [here](http://www.dieselairhorns.com/sounds/K5LA_CSX6154.mp3) for the sound of Remus's horn.)

Finally clear of the yard and crossing, Remus fished on the floor for his knapsack without taking his eyes off the track. Though he knew some engineers weren't as cautious, he didn't like taking his eyes off the track for any longer than he would take his eyes off the road while he was driving. You just never knew.

Finding the pack, he fumbled open the buckle and found what he was looking for: a package of chocolate chip cookies. The cookies, and his bottle of water, were two things he never left the station without. He offered them to Severus, who declined, and then took two for himself. Munching happily, he got the feeling Severus was watching him, but when he glanced over, Severus was studying the track ahead.

Once in Northampton, they dropped the empty hoppers, then moved the bricks onto their own siding. On signal from Severus, Remus stopped the cars gently. Some engineers, if in a hurry, or just plain lazy, would move cars onto a siding against a closed hitch. They'd give the cars a push, then stop, letting the cars roll free to be stopped by crashing into other cars. This could damage equipment, and in the case of more fragile loads, like bricks, the cargo. The move was called 'humping', and Remus _never_ humped.

The run back was less complicated, and by the time they shut down, ten hours after they had started, they were working together as smoothly as if they'd done so for months. They dropped the radios off in the empty office and headed for the parking lot.

"I'm glad all our days aren't that long." Remus stretched lazily. "You're good. I appreciate that."

Severus pulled on his helmet. "I _have_ done this before." His tone was dry, and Remus felt a prickle of irritation at the back of his neck.

"I didn't mean that as condescension, Severus. You're my eyes in the yard, and I sincerely appreciate a man who knows his job and does it safely."

Severus bowed his head slightly. "Apologies." His eyes flickered over Remus. "And _I_ appreciate a man who gives me a smooth ride."

Remus blinked.

Severus swung his leg over his bike and was gone before Remus could think of anything to say.

Remus fell into bed that night, physically and mentally exhausted. He'd gone to the Y after work and stayed an extra half-hour, swimming lazily back and forth, trying to get his mind to unwind along with his body. It hadn't worked. All he could think about was Severus.

Severus had been studying him, of that he was certain, but no less than he had been studying Severus. The man had great legs. A good mind, too, with a dry wit, and sharp observation skills. _What was he observing about me?_ Remus wondered. Severus had not asked about his leg, or what had happened to him, which made him unusual in and of itself. Generally, that was one of the first questions a new person working with him asked. He doubted it was lack of curiosity on Severus's part; the man looked at the world around himself with keen interest – and Remus didn't think that much of what happened in his vicinity went unnoticed. Good manners might have prevented Severus from inquiring, or more likely, Remus sighed, it was lack of interest in the man whose leg it happened to be.

Remus rolled over and punched his pillow into a comfortable shape. God, he was pathetic. Maybe it was time to take a trip to The City and get himself laid. He sighed. Somewhere along the line, that sort of thing had lost its appeal. Anonymous sex was fine now and then, but sometimes, Remus thought, it might be nice to have a leisurely conversation as well, and maybe coffee in the morning. Not that there was any chance of that happening in this area, with its small towns and close-knit communities. Remus didn't think he'd seen another gay man in the two years he'd been there... not that he'd been looking. He rolled over again. Now, if only Severus were gay... _He wouldn't be interested,_ Remus told himself firmly.

Remus's big cat jumped onto the bed, purring and kneading Remus's feet. Finally satisfied, he lay down with a big feline sigh, his head resting on Remus's toes.

"I've got you, Hairy, that's all anyone needs, right?"

Hairy didn't answer.

~~

 

Remus studied his image in the mirror closely. There were slight, but obvious, signs of aging around the mouth and eyes, but the skin was still good. The bone structure would never fail, of course, and his eyes, a clear blue-gray with dark circles around the iris, were still bright. His lashes were long and gently curved, his brows still dark, and his hair was still thick – lush, even – and although it was mostly gray, it was not that nasty yellowish color, but an attractive shade that was often referred to as "distinguished." He still wore it a bit long, and the natural, gentle curl covered his collar, framed his ears, and hung boyishly in his face. At least, he thought of it as "boyish" – he didn't want to know what others thought. His hair was his one vanity, and he spent more on haircuts than he did on anything else in his life. He smiled, and his mouth and eyes were instantly wreathed in deep lines.

He closed his eyes and sighed, then stepped back, squared his shoulders and scrutinized himself in the full-length view. Thanks to two hours, three times a week in the pool at the Y, his upper body was well-muscled and firm. Oh, he didn't have six-pack abs, and there was a hint of softness below his belly button, but it wasn't bad. He turned, then looked over his shoulder at his butt. _Nice,_ he couldn't help thinking. Always had been, hopefully always would be. His legs were good too, and, standing like this, you'd almost not notice that his right leg was a bit different.

He turned back and gave a last look. No, not bad for a fifty-something man.

Remus closed the closet door and sighed. Not that there was anyone to notice or care what he looked like. Oh, he was happy being single; he knew he was selfish with his time, and liked living alone. Well, yes, there was his cat, Hairy, and he was demanding in his feline way, but that was different. Remus wasn't good at relationships, and he knew from experience that if he stayed in one long enough, the other person would always leave, that he would always fail to measure up in some way.

 _It's time to do laundry,_ he thought, as he rummaged in the drawer looking for a clean t-shirt. He finally settled for an old one with a mysterious pinkish stain on the back, then covered it with an equally old blue sweatshirt with frayed collar and cuffs.

Nothing like making a good impression. Not, he scolded himself, that Severus was likely to care any more than Arthur did. Why would he? And why did he, Remus Lupin, confirmed bachelor, and solidly-closeted gay man, care what a probably-straight man thought of his wardrobe? Just because he was smoking hot, with those long legs, piercing eyes, expressive brows, sultry voice... _Stop it!_

Grabbing a pair of socks, he hooked his butt on the banister and slid down the spiral staircase to the bottom floor. It was much faster than going one step at a time, and besides, it was fun.

He pulled on his boots, made sure Hairy had water and crunchies in his dishes, and headed for work with a spring in his step. Even if Severus wasn't gay, Remus could still enjoy his company, couldn't he?

~~

It was Friday when they were made up and rolling that Severus asked his first personal question. "How did a New Orleans boy, who's lived around as much as you have, end up here?"

Remus blinked. _How the hell...?_ "Party trick?"

Severus shrugged. "Hobby."

When nothing more was forthcoming, Remus went on. "I was born in New Orleans, went up north to live with my mamaw when I was seven." He reached up to sound the horn, and they remained silent until the train had cleared the crossing.

"South of Chicago?" Severus gave him a teasing look. "Joliet?"

"That's spooky, you know that?"

Severus laughed. "The accent of your birthplace is usually the one that sticks with you the most. You don't have much, just a softness, and slight lingering of the vowels. Joliet is pretty easy, actually. But there's a mix there. A little Southern California, a bit of, oh, I'd say Philly, and then the addition of some local over the top. We won't talk about the New York influence."

"You have a problem with New York?" Remus wasn't quite sure what to make of the conversation.

"The Village? Hell's Kitchen? Not at all." Severus was smiling as he looked down the track.

Remus shrugged. "I've moved around a lot, _as you seem to know."_ He glanced over at Severus for a moment. "What about you? Arthur said you were a teacher – not that he always gets things right."

"I was." Severus face clouded.

Remus waited, then put on a teasing tone, so as not to seem too nosy. "Care to share?"

Severus sighed. "That's a tale best told over a bottle of wine. Or two." He looked around hopefully. "Any of those cookies left?"

Remus accepted the change of subject and handed over the cookies.

The weather was beautiful, and the stunning scenery that made the River Central's tourist train such a success helped make the time pass pleasurably. At one point, they had to sit on a siding for half an hour, waiting for the tourist train to clear the track ahead, and it was going on five-thirty when Remus finally shut down for the night. He was approaching his truck when Charlie, one of the yard crew, called to him.

"Remus! Bill and I are headed over to the Trackside for a beer or two, wanna join us?"

"Sure, I wouldn't mind beating you at another game of pool."

"You wish!" Severus came around the corner and headed for his motorcycle. "How about it, Severus, beer?"

Severus declined with a wave, and Charlie and Bill headed off toward the bar.

"Not your thing?" Remus leaned on the door of his truck, just a few spaces from the bike.

"Not really." Severus shrugged. "I wouldn't have said it was yours, either."

"No?" Remus wasn't sure he liked Severus thinking he had him all figured out. "What do you think is _my thing?"_

Severus put his helmet on and studied Remus. "A good meal, decent wine, conversation about something other than whatever game is on."

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Remus blurted the words out before he could stop them, it had all sounded so perfect.

Severus cocked his head in the direction the young men had gone. "Is that a date?"

"No," Remus felt himself flush. "No, of course not."

"Well then." Severus swung his leg over the bike, and kicked it to life. Without another backward glance, he drove off, leaving a confused, and more than a little irritated, Remus. Why did he always feel so off-balance around Severus?

That night in bed, Remus engaged in what seemed to have become a nightly ritual of lecturing himself about Severus Snape.

 _Are you asking me out on a date?_ God, of all the stupid things to say. The man probably wasn't even gay; Remus was lucky Severus hadn't punched him. At the least, Severus must think him an idiot. He'd be lucky if the man ever spoke to him again. Maybe he should just move. Or drown himself in the pool at the Y.

_Pathetic._

~~

The next week went smoothly. Severus made no mention of Remus's inane comment, in fact, he seemed, if anything, a bit friendlier. Remus found he worked well with Severus. Severus's attention to detail didn't waver, and Remus came to conclude that it was simply his normal way of working, and not something put on by "the new guy" just to impress. Remus was quite comfortable with that, and the time passed congenially, if not in intimate conversation.

It was Thursday, and they were in Dresden, picking up cars for Northampton. Severus had gone to the dispatch office, and Remus was writing in his journal in the cab and eating cookies when Severus stomped through the engine room and slapped a sheaf of papers down on the center console.

"Incompetent idiots."

Remus sat up. "Peter?" Peter Pettigrew wasn't Remus's favorite person, but he was good enough at his job.

"No." Severus ran a hand through his hair, dislodging it from its tie. "CFX, Confused Fucking eXcuse of a freight company." His voice dripped disdain. "They brought a car up from the hub that needs to go to Northampton."

"But..." Remus frowned. "They can't go there from here, their track usage license stops in Dresden. That car will have to go back down to the hub, then north, then east, then south again. It'll be three days for them, at least."

"To make what would be a thirty minute trip for us. If it was our car." Severus looked at him steadily.

"Christ." Remus tossed his journal aside. He really hated both incompetence and waste. "Let me guess. Peter suggested that, for the _greater good_ of railroads in general, we just might hook onto that car and take it along."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say he actually suggested it."

"Of course not." Remus stood.

"What do you think?"

Remus was surprised. Severus had never showed hesitation over a decision before. "It's your call."

"I know that, thank you." There was an edge to his voice. He took a deep breath, and went on in a softer tone. "I'm asking for your input."

"Well," Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "Common sense says we take the damn car and be done with it, and I'm not sure we'd get in a lot of trouble even if we were found out, _although_ without the paperwork, River Central wouldn't get paid anything for it. And if anyone _did_ complain...." He shook his head. "There's something you should know about Peter."

Severus's head snapped up. "He seems a bit... weak."

"Yeah. Peter is out for Peter. He takes credit where he can, but never, ever, takes the blame for anything. He can be counted on to always do what's best for Peter."

Severus nodded. "The car stays here."

They had cleared the last switch, leaving the CFX car standing forlornly on an otherwise empty siding, and Remus eased the engine ahead as Severus swung himself up on the ladder. Entering the cab, Severus settled onto the other chair.

"Would you have taken the car if I'd wanted to?"

"Of course." Remus was surprised. "You're the conductor; everything behind the engine is your domain. I just drive."

"Are you always so agreeable about breaking rules?"

Remus shrugged. "If it's logical. And won't get me in a lot of trouble." He grinned. "I'd have made a token protest, of course."

Severus snorted.

"What I _wouldn't_ have done is let you take the car without knowing about Peter."

Severus grunted. "Good to know."

"Is it?" Remus was curious.

Severus studied him. "I like to know the character of the man at my back."

The words sent a shiver down Remus's spine. "And have I won your approval?" His tone was light.

Severus continued to study him. "So far."

Remus suddenly laughed. "You are a piece of work, Severus Snape. It's just a job, isn't it?"

Severus looked away. "Yes, just a job."

Remus slowed for the first of many crossing before the freight yard in Northampton, feeling as though he'd just missed something important.

That night, he was still lecturing himself when he finally fell asleep.

~~

 

The next day, Severus seemed pre-occupied and edgy, and after a few attempts at conversation that were met with monosyllables, Remus gave up, which is why, when Severus approached him after work, he was surprised. Charlie had asked Remus to join him and Bill for a beer again, but Remus had declined. It really wasn't his thing, and he only went once in a while to be friendly. He heard boots crunch on the gravel of the parking lot, and turned to find Severus scowling at him.

"I'm going to Conte's for dinner at seven. Will you join me?"

"Oh." Remus was taken aback by the question, and coming as it did with an almost belligerent expression, he was totally flustered. "They have excellent food, you know. Really fresh. They don't deep fry, or have a microwave, or take credit cards. They even..."

"Remus." Severus's face looked a bit stiff. "Will you join me?"

"Oh. Um...." Remus delivered himself a severe mental kick, and felt his face flush. "Yes. Yes, I'd like that."

He thought he saw Severus's mouth twitch. "Seven." He turned and mounted his motorcycle, pulling on his helmet as he did so.

Remus watched him leave the parking lot and just stood staring down the road after him, his mind a total blank. The bell in the Methodist church started to ring, and Remus jumped. It was six now; he had to hurry if he was going to get home, shower, and get back.

All the way home he lectured himself: _This is not a date, this is not a date, this is two friends – no, co-workers – having something to eat after work. No different than going to Trackside for beers with Bill and Charlie. Not at all._

Remus rushed into the house, fed Hairy, and ran for the shower, shedding clothes as he went. In his bedroom, still damp, he fretted in front of his closet. He picked up first one, than another shirt, then finally settled on a light blue button down. He pulled on black jeans and fluffed his still damp hair with his fingers. It would dry all right on the way to the restaurant. His hand hovered over a small wooden box on the dresser. He raised the lid, and stirred the contents with a finger. There were all the earrings that he never wore any more. _This is not a date._ He closed the lid, grabbed some socks and slid down the banister.

He was putting his sneakers on when Hairy came over and reached up a paw to touch his knee. "Yes, I'm going out again, buddy. Sorry, but I won't be too late."

Hairy blatted at him.

"Yeah, I know, I don't pay enough attention to you. Sorry."

Hairy blatted louder, and sank a claw into Remus's leg.

"Ouch! Hairy, what's the matter?" He focused on the cat for the first time. "I fed you." He looked over at the dish, frowned, then picked it up. "Oh. Don't want Cheerios for dinner, huh?" He dumped the cereal in the trash, then filled the bowl with cat crunchies.

 _This is not a date,_ he reminded himself as he closed the door and headed for his truck, humming.

Remus was a few minutes late when he parked in the lot next to the restaurant. He hurried across the tilting boards of the porch and pulled open the heavy wood door. He spotted Severus almost immediately and joined him. The table, Remus was happy to see, was situated so that he could sit with his leg extended and not trip anyone. He perched on the edge of his chair and tried to wipe the silly grin off his face. This was not a date.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Not a problem." Severus held up the wine bottle and lifted an eyebrow in question. Remus nodded, and he poured.

The wine exploded with flavor on Remus's tongue, and he closed his eyes in pleasure, savoring the taste.

"It's not like it's a date." Severus's tone was deadpan.

Remus choked in mid-swallow. Severus waited until he'd stopped coughing. "You've been here before, I take it?"

Remus nodded, wiping his eyes. "A few times. It's a bit eccentric, but the food is fabulous."

"I saw the sign. _No freezer. No fryer. No microwave. No credit cards._ I gather they don't take reservations, either."

Remus shook his head. "I'm not even sure they have a phone."

Severus looked around. "Well, I have no problem with things that are a bit eccentric. As long as they're good."

Remus flushed. _Surely he doesn't mean...._ He shook himself. "I don't think you'll be disappointed."

"No." Severus looked at Remus. "I don't think I will."

The waitress plunked down two plates, a huge bowl of salad, and a loaf of fresh bread. "You boys ready to order?"

"Do you have the crab cakes tonight?" Remus was hopeful.

"Were they on the menu?" The waitress eyed him.

Remus looked around her at the roll of butcher paper hanging from the ceiling by the register. The menu was scrawled on it in black marker in the worst possible penmanship. He squinted. "I can't tell."

She laughed. "Yeah, we have 'em." She turned to Severus. "And you?"

"The same." Severus gave her a smile, and she winked.

Remus picked up a wine bottle with no label that sat by the salt and pepper. He put his finger over the cork and gave it a vigorous shake. "The choice of salad dressing is 'yes' or 'no'."

"By all means." Severus gestured toward the bowl and Remus poured on a generous amount. He tossed it and served while Severus tore off chunks of warm bread.

The food came quickly, and Severus poured more wine. Remus relaxed as the conversation flowed easily.

"So, why have you moved around so much?" Severus tone was casual as they finished the last of their meal.

Remus dipped a piece of bread in olive oil, popped it in his mouth, and thought as he chewed and swallowed. "As I mentioned, I moved north to live with my mamaw when I was young. She lived by a freight yard, and I'd spend hours watching them switch out the cars. Used to wonder what was in them, and where they were going. I started working in the yard as soon as I was old enough. Then I went to LA to college for a year." He shrugged. "That didn't work out, so I got work as a brakeman. Worked up from there to engineer. Decided to go up to the Pacific Northwest for a while." He sipped his wine. "Somewhere, I got the idea it'd be fun to work the rails in every state, so that's what I did. This is the last one."

"What's next?"

"Haven't decided. I like it here," he shrugged. "Maybe I'll stay."

"That notebook you're always writing in, is that a journal?"

Remus was surprised he'd noticed. "Yes, it is. I – well, I like to travel on vacation." He felt his cheeks warm. "Kind of a 'Famous Railroads of the World' thing, I guess." He shrugged. "I keep notes about places I've worked and visited."

"Have you visited every continent?"

"I've pretty much managed to put at least a toe in, though I _haven't_ been to Australia yet, or New Zealand – not that they're the same continent." Remus waved vaguely. "Someday, though."

"Are you going to publish them? There is more than one, I assume." Severus moved his empty plate aside.

"Lord no!" Remus laughed. "Who on earth would be interested?"

Severus shrugged. "Me, for one. I imagine a lot of other people would be as well. Not a lot of people get to travel, and there's a huge market for travelogue-type books."

Remus felt oddly uncomfortable. "I'm sure they would be boring."

"Why?" Severus seemed genuinely curious. "I'd certainly like to read them. I find that people who have enough curiosity in the world around them to travel are generally interesting people."

Remus could think of nothing to say to that. Did Severus really think he was interesting?

Severus studied him for a moment. "Another bottle of wine?

"Not unless you're planning on taking me home with you. It's a twenty minute drive for me."

"The thought crossed my mind." Severus's smile looked almost predatory.

The surge of arousal Remus experienced was so strong he was surprised the people at the next table didn't turn and stare. He was, however, saved from making a complete conversational idiot of himself by the arrival of the waitress. _Did Severus really mean that?_

They declined dessert, Remus had a bit of crab cake wrapped up for Hairy, and she left the check. Severus picked it up.

"You can get it next time."

Remus nodded, the thought warming him to his toes, and filling him with trepidation at the same time.

Outside, they paused on the sidewalk. "I'm this way." Remus gestured to the right.

"And I'm that way." Severus nodded to the left.

A couple went by on their way into the restaurant, the man frowning as he looked back at them. Remus felt a familiar tightening in his chest.

"I really enjoyed that." Unsure what to do, Remus held out his hand. "Thanks for inviting me."

Severus stared at Remus's hand, then at his face, his expression unreadable. He slowly took Remus's hand in a warm clasp. And didn't let go.

"G-good night." Remus hated the slight tremor in his voice. He was afraid if he withdrew his hand, Severus might not release it. He wasn't sure that he didn't want that to happen.

But Severus did. "Good night, Remus." The deep voice sent a shiver down Remus's spine. "Drive carefully."

"Right." Remus shoved his hands in his pockets. "You too." He turned quickly and departed, his heart racing.

That night he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. He really liked Severus. _So?_ Severus seemed to like him. That wasn't a date, Severus even said so. Remus didn't want to get involved with anyone, anyway. _Who said you had to?_ Screwing around with a co-worker was always a bad idea, and it wasn't like he was looking for casual sex. _What are you looking for?_ He wasn't looking for anything. Had Severus been flirting with him? _Don't be an idiot._ But he had said that about taking Remus home with him; did he mean that? He remembered the scowl on the face of the man going into the restaurant. Maybe he didn't like long hair? _Don't be an idiot._

Remus thought about how Severus's long fingers had wrapped around his hand. Thought about those long fingers wrapping around the back of his neck, sliding over his hip, wrapping around.... Remus moaned softly, his hand sliding over his belly and between his legs. Severus's hand would be warm, like his own. _How would he touch me?_ Remus stroked himself gently, and drifted off to sleep.

~~~~


	2. Chapter 2

The weekend passed in a happy haze for Remus. He went through his chores thinking about his dinner with Severus: reliving the conversation, remembering the way the candlelight had flickered in those dark eyes and the way that sensuous mouth had curled in a small smile of amusement over something Remus had said.

Remus was humming absently, folding his laundry on Sunday night when it occurred to him that this was not an event that had happened in a vacuum. He would see Severus tomorrow, there would be perfectly ordinary conversation, and, Severus had almost promised, a next time.

Remus closed his eyes and leaned on the table, suddenly dizzy. _A next time._ Yes, you idiot, life went on. God, what would he say tomorrow? Should he ask Severus over for dinner? No, it was too soon. Would Severus expect to go out somewhere? Remus rolled two socks of different colors together and tossed them in the basket. He wasn't comfortable going out with another man around home. It was too awkward, too.... Well, he just never had, was all. How bad would it be? He remembered the man outside the restaurant and shivered, all the looks from all the people in all the small towns he'd ever lived in washing over him.

Severus didn't seem to care. _Well, maybe it was because Severus was having dinner with a co-worker, not going on a date,_ he told himself sternly. Remus tipped Hairy out of the basket of clean laundry and carried it upstairs. God, he was pathetic.

~~

 

Remus went to work the next day totally high on anticipation and... well, if he was honest with himself, it was the idea of spending time with Severus. It wasn’t like there was a great deal of time for socializing on the job, but he found he was looking forward to just being in Severus's company.

 _And how pathetic,_ he asked himself as he climbed into his truck, _is that?_

 _Oh, fuck it,_ he thought as he rounded the corner of the office and stepped inside. Even Arthur's coffee smelled good, he was in such a cheerful mood. He paused a moment before entering, trying to subdue his face into some semblance of its normal expression.

"Morning, Arthur."

Arthur looked up, then did a double take. "What, you get lucky this weekend?"

Remus poured coffee to hide his blush. "Not that it's any of your business, but no."

"Win the lottery then?" Arthur was grinning.

Remus managed an annoyed look. "No. Why?"

"Because you look like the famous cat who swallowed the goldfish, that's why."

"Canary."

"Whatever." Arthur shook his head.

Severus entered quietly, looking from one to the other with curiosity.

Remus's effort to wipe the smile off his face was almost painful. "Morning, Severus."

"Morning." He then nodded to Arthur and picked up their orders.

Arthur shook his head. "Looks like you've got Mr. Sunshine on your hands today, Severus. Hope he doesn't drive you crazy."

Severus's smile was open. "If he does, I'll just pitch him out the cab." He turned and gave Remus a look that stole his breath. "But I don't think that will be necessary."

Arthur snorted. "Hope not. The amount of paperwork would be monumental." Remus laughed outright. "Go on then, you two. Take your idiocy out of here and get to work."

They crossed the yard together, and Severus went to check the switches while Remus swung up into the cab and started the engine. When Severus joined him, Remus was standing gazing out the windshield, a smile on his face.

"You are rather glowing like a thousand-watt bulb. Something special happen?"

Remus blinked. Severus was looking over the way bills, and Remus came to earth with a thud. Of course. It was just dinner, nothing special, not a date. He was being an idiot.

"No." He cleared his throat of the lump that was threatening to form.

Severus looked up, studying him for a moment. "I enjoyed our evening Friday."

Remus's heart soared again, but he managed to squelch a foolish grin. "So did I."

The day passed in a warm glow for Remus. The summer sun was shining, and the day couldn't have been more perfect. A few times he caught Severus watching him, an amused look on his face, but their conversation was only about work, though it was easy and comfortable.

Stopping in the office after work to return the radios to their chargers, they were surprised to find Arthur still there. His desk was in even more disarray than usual, and his short gray hair was standing on end as though he'd been rubbing his head repeatedly. That was never a good sign.

"What's up, Arthur?" Remus plugged the radios into their slots.

Arthur shook his head. "Longbottom again. Family issues. Look, can you two take the tourists tomorrow?"

Remus looked at Severus, who shrugged, and asked. "Both runs?"

"If you could? There's not much going for freight tomorrow anyway, and Longbottom and Percy can handle that later in the day."

"What about Percy? How's he going to feel about losing half a day because of Longbottom?" Remus poured and sipped the truly awful coffee.

"I'd rather keep you guys as teams. Percy does well with Longbottom, and as you know, that's not always easy."

Remus turned to Severus. "Neville Longbottom is a good enough engineer, but he's new, and he lacks confidence. Pretty much needs someone to hold his hand, and lead every step." He made a bit of a face. "Percy rather likes doing that."

Severus grunted. "Well I don't mind. I prefer freight, but I doubt it will kill me to be nice to the tourists for a day."

"Or two?" Arthur looked innocent.

Severus shook his head in resignation. "Or two. Remus?"

"No matter to me." He waggled his fingers. "I believe my skills at the throttle will guarantee the holiday makers a smooth ride."

"Idiot." Arthur laughed, then turned to Severus. "You got the uniform?"

Remus libido did a handspring at the thought of Severus in black vest and pants, crisp white shirt, black tie, and maybe, if it was cool, a black jacket with – he swallowed – lots of gold buttons. Did he dare hope for the hat?

Severus nodded. "No hat, though."

_Ah, well._

"Good enough." Arthur shoved the drawers of his desk closed. "Tomorrow, then."

They crossed the parking lot to their vehicles, and Severus turned. "You wouldn't have that silly smirk on your face at the thought of me in my penguin suit, would you?"

Remus rubbed the side of his nose. "Uh, as a matter of fact...." He couldn't stop the huge grin that overtook his expression.

"Well," Severus pulled on his helmet and straddled his bike. "Had I known it would make those beautiful eyes of yours dance like that, I'd have worn it to dinner the other night." He started the bike and departed, leaving a stunned Remus standing beside his truck.

~~

 

The next morning, Remus dressed with more care. He wasn't required to; chances are he would have little contact with the rail fans who rode the train, but he might as well be presentable. New-ish jeans, ones with no stains or holes, and a soft denim shirt. He debated trying to make his worn work boots presentable, but gave up on the idea as a lost cause.

He hummed happily as he warmed up the engine, the yellow-and-green FL-9 used for passenger service because of its newer, brighter paint. He really did love his job.

"Howdy!" A cheerful Ron, the assistant conductor, came in the cab and handed Remus a radio. "Ready to roll?"

Remus nodded, and Ron went out again, moving down the tracks to flag the first crossing on the way to the station to pick up the passenger cars. Half of the distance was on the same tracks that led to the quay, so there were un-gated crossings to flag along the way. There was a horn restriction in town, so special care was needed. He eased the engine to its maximum allowed speed of three miles per hour while in town, and backed toward the crossing where Ron had traffic stopped.

Ron grabbed the front of the engine as it cleared the crossing, and hooked an arm lazily around the ladder, waiting for the next approach where he would have to hop down and out-pace the slow moving diesel to the crossing in order to stop traffic.

Remus started the bell as required when he entered the station yard, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Severus come forward to greet the engine and guide it back to hook with the passenger cars. Remus slowed the big engine to a mere crawl and awaited Severus's direction. Severus moved him back until the engine met the cars with just enough force to snap the knuckle joint closed, but gently enough to hardly be noticed by anyone already on the train. Remus smiled; he and Severus made a good team.

Severus climbed into the cab, and greeted Remus with a smile. Due to the warmth of the day, he was not wearing the uniform jacket, but... Remus felt his mouth go dry. The black pants fit perfectly, and the black vest, with its six gold buttons, clung to his torso like a lover and provided sharp contrast to the impeccably starched and ironed white shirt. The tie was knotted perfectly, and he even had a gold watch chain. His hair was tied back with a black ribbon, a ticket punch in a leather case rested on his hip, and black boots shined to a mirror finish completed the outfit.

"You look..." Remus swallowed, "very professional."

"Idiot." Severus's eyes sparkled, and his tone was soft. "Looks as though we may be almost full." He wrinkled his nose. "Three bus loads of grade-schoolers, though."

Ron shouted from down the track, and Severus leaned out the window. "Gotta go." He raised an eyebrow. "Be gentle with us, won't you?"

Severus was gone long before Remus could think of anything to say in reply.

The cushioning hitches meant that he couldn't feel the slack come out of the line of cars, but he could see as each started forward, so gently that the passengers wouldn't feel them start to move. He prided himself on his ability to start and stop without anyone noticing, knowing that if they weren't looking out the windows, they wouldn't be aware of the change at all.

Once out of town, the track ran through some beautiful, sparsely-populated country, skirting lonely lakes and following rivers. There were rolling fields and cool forests of pine and fir. It was a popular run with tourists, and in another year they would have commuters as well, when the service would be extended to meet with Amtrak at Biggerton, one of the state's largest cities. Three stops on the two-hour run broke up the trip and kept Remus on his toes.

The soft air flowing in the window smelled sweet and fresh, and Remus was feeling content with life.

They were about halfway into the trip when he heard the increase in noise from the engine compartment, then the slam of the door. A moment later, Severus dropped into the other seat, a scowl on his face.

"God, I hate kids."

Without thinking, Remus responded. "None of your own, then?" He bit his tongue too late to keep the words back. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the cab as Severus stilled, then turned his head slowly to stare at Remus.

Just a stare: no expression, no comment, just two glittering black eyes drilling into him.

Remus couldn't meet those eyes. He could feel the heat suffuse his face, as he wracked his brain for something to say. Nothing came to mind that wouldn't shove his foot deeper into his mouth.

The whistle sign flashed past, and he automatically reached for the horn lever to sound the signal for the crossing. The mournful wail echoed his despair at ever finding something less than totally inane to say.

He was saved, more or less, when Severus got up and, without a word, disappeared back through the engine compartment to the train. As Remus eased the throttle back, he sighed, and wondered if Severus would ever speak to him again.

He didn't.

At least, not for the rest of that trip. On the radio, of course, as part of his job, but he didn't return to the cab, and by the time Remus had shut the engine down for the night, he was certain Severus would never speak to him again. As Severus's responsibility was with the train, he had parked across town at the station, so there was no chance for a casual meeting in the parking lot.

How could he possibly have been so stupid? Severus _was_ gay, wasn't he? Sure, Remus had a child, but that was different. Wasn't it? Remus realized that he really didn't have much idea how other gay men his age led their lives. He spent so much time around straight men, lived so much in small towns, that he sometimes wondered if _he_ was still gay. Well, no, not really, but.... Damn. _Had_ that been a date after all?

Remus sighed as he turned out the light and flopped into bed that night. The sexiest man he had met in his life, smart and interesting to boot, and Remus had gone and said _that._ He really couldn't do anything right.

~~

 

The next morning, Remus's elation of the last few days was still considerably dampened. He greeted Arthur and Ron with less than his usual enthusiasm, trudging toward the big FL-9 with a heavy heart. The yard crew had turned the locomotive on the turn table, fueled it up, and checked it over. He read the check list they had left in the cab as the engine warmed up.

Ron looked at him curiously but said nothing, and they set out for the station in good time. Today, the sight of Severus waving him in only made him gloomier, convinced as he was that the man wasn't going to speak to him.

 _How pathetic are you?_ he scolded himself. _You are not some teenager. You need no one to make or break your moods, or your life._ He straightened up. It was true. He was just being an idiot.

Preoccupied with his thoughts, he didn't notice Severus approach until he entered the cab.

"Remus." His smile was a bit tentative.

Remus felt himself beam like a fool. "Severus." He loved the way the name flowed off his tongue, and saw a responding flare in Severus's eyes.

"We won't be as full today, at least not on the first trip. No groups scheduled, thank god."

"How did you ever teach without going crazy?"

"By torturing the little buggers in class." Severus tone was grim. He shrugged, then smiled. "Nice ride you gave us yesterday. Think you can do it again?"

Remus was indignant. "It's the only kind of ride I give."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" He swung down the ladder and was gone.

It was another beautiful day.

Remus used the three hours between the morning and afternoon trips to swim at the Y. Then he picked up a couple of hotdogs, some fries, and a bottle of water from the stand in town and went down by the river to eat in the little town park. He read for a while in the sunshine, then packed up and headed back to the station.

Severus was talking to Ron, and before Remus could join them, he was waylaid by a rail fan. He was happy to talk to the man about trains in general and this one in particular until Severus caught his eye, and he excused himself to climb up and start the engine.

The trip went smoothly, and while Remus didn't see anything of Severus or Ron, he was nonetheless more than content with his lot in life as he eased the train to a halt back at the Smallville station at nine that night. Ron released the cars, then, after Remus had idled ahead to clear the switch, he hauled the lever over so Remus could back around the passenger cars and go back to the freight yard. Remus paused while Ron set the switch back to its original position and climbed on the ladder, then they idled back through town, Ron jumping down to flag the necessary intersections.

Shutting the engine down for the night, Remus sighed. It wasn't noisy in the cab, and the sound of the big diesel was so constant that he tended to tune it out without realizing it, but when it idled into silence, the change was always a bit of a shock.

During the drive over the winding, narrow road to his lakeside house, Remus came to a conclusion. Scary as the thought was, as likely as everything was to end in disaster, he wanted Severus. Plain and simple. It was time to stop acting like a coward and _do_ something about it.

Once home, he fed Hairy, made a ham and cheese sandwich for himself, poured a glass of wine, and carried both to the computer to check his email. He answered a letter from his son Teddy, and was scrolling down, half paying attention to the subject lines – mostly ads for "personal growth" – and half thinking about Severus, when an earlier, unopened email caught his eye. It was the newsletter from a small theater company in The City whose productions he occasionally attended. He clicked on the document, only vaguely aware of what he was doing.

He paused, wine glass halfway to his lips, then set it back down and grabbed the phone. He found Severus's number where he had scribbled it on a pad by the answering machine and dialed eagerly.

"Hello." The deep voice sent tingles to the ends of Remus's toes.

"Severus. Hi, it's me, Remus." He paused, suddenly not sure how to proceed.

"Couldn't sleep?" Severus sounded amused.

"What?" Remus looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. "Oh, god. Severus, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I didn't realize...."

Severus's sleepy chuckle cut across his babbling. "It's fine, Remus. Just tell me why you called."

"Oh. Right." He took a deep breath. "I was looking through my email, and there's this theater company, and they're doing a revival of South Pacific, and it's one of my favorites, and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?" The words tumbled over themselves, rushing to get out before he lost his nerve.

"In Biggerton?"

"No. No, it's in The City." Remus suddenly felt foolish. The City was a four hour drive away.

"Do you usually take the train?"

"Yes. It's easier. Parking, and all." Not to mention that it was a lot more comfortable with his leg.

"Are you thinking of a matinee, so we can catch the last train back, or..." his voice took on a teasing note, "were you planning on making this an overnight adventure?"

Remus felt his entire body heat as a whole spectrum of possibilities opened up in his mind. However.... "Um, I usually go to a matinee, then have dinner and catch the last train. It _is_ a long day." He tapered off weakly, suddenly unsure of himself.

"Well, I'd love to go. Are you thinking this Saturday?"

"Yes. Really? I usually catch the noon train from Biggerton, is that OK?" He knew he sounded ridiculously eager, but he just couldn't help it.

"That will be fine. May I go back to sleep now?" He could hear the smile in Severus's voice.

"If you wish." He could feel a corresponding grin on his own face. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So am I, Remus, so am I." The tone of the words sent a sparkle of arousal along Remus's nerves.

"Night." Remus breathed his reply softly as the phone clicked in his ear.

Remus slept better than he had all week.

~~

 

Saturday morning found Remus in a quandary. He stood naked in his bedroom, staring into his underwear drawer. Hairy hopped up on the dresser, then stepped down and settled himself comfortably on Remus's undergarments.

"Come on, Hairy. One thing I _don't_ need is fuzzy underpants." He suddenly grinned. "Although...." He laughed at himself as he moved his cat, who settled on the bed instead.

He picked up a wisp of blue nylon and found himself blushing. _Well, why not?_ He hadn't worn them for a very long time; they were specifically designed to "enhance his assets" as the package had said. Okay, so. He had decided he wanted Severus, so he might as well go for it, right?

He settled himself comfortably in the underwear, then pulled on gunmetal-gray dress pants. He donned his satiny, smoky-blue shirt with the loose sleeves – the one that brought out the blue in his eyes so well – and tucked the tails down his pants, smoothing the wrinkles carefully. Doing up his belt, he looked in the mirror and grinned. Turning this way and that, he checked out the effect. _Oh, yeah._ He was slightly embarrassed by the way the underwear accentuated his crotch, but not enough to take them off. He wanted to feel – and _be_ – attractive.

The last item was one of his favorite pieces of clothing. A black and metallic-silver paisley vest with a satin back. It was extra long, to go with the lower rise of his dress pants, and it fit him like a glove. He took a thin plastic card sleeve from where it was hiding under his socks, and tucked in his driver's license, a credit card, and a twenty dollar bill, then slipped it into the inside pocket of his vest next to his comb. He wanted nothing at all in his pants pockets to mar the fit of his clothing.

Back at the dresser, Remus opened the little wooden box. He selected a small gold hoop for the single piercing in his left ear, then multi-colored steel ones for the five holes curving up his right. He smiled to himself. Might as well leave absolutely no doubt as to his orientation, not if he wanted to attract Severus's attention. And he did.

Downstairs, he ducked into the bathroom one last time. He had a hard time steadying his hand at first as he applied a little eyeliner, then a hint of shadow. It had been a long time since he had worn makeup, and he was pleased to find that he hadn't lost his touch, even if he was nervous. Remus fluffed his hair, and checked the clock. Severus would be picking him up in five minutes, if he was on time. And Remus had no doubt that he would be.

He checked Hairy's food and water for the tenth time, and admonished the big cat not to eat everything at once. Hairy stared at him, the end of his bushy tail twitching.

Remus pulled on his black boots, then picked up the walking stick by the door. Earlier, he had dug it out from the back of his closet and polished the silver head. It was a gentleman's stick, designed to add a bit of stability to a game leg and to look classy in the process. Sirius had given it to him after he'd found it in an antique store in San Francisco. The wood was ebony, the head a silver lion, worn partly smooth over the years by the hand of its owner. It was not purely affectation; Remus knew that his hip would be tired after a lot of walking in The City, and having the stick would make a big difference. Besides, he really liked it.

He heard a car door slam, and saw Severus coming up the path. His eyes opened wider at the sight of him. He was wearing a casual, natural linen suit, an eggplant silk shirt, and... white baseball sneakers? His hair was loose, and Remus could see that it was not quite as severe a cut as it appeared when tied back. It looked silky soft as it moved in the breeze created by Severus's brisk stride, and Remus had the sudden urge to run his fingers through it.

Remus opened the door and stood back, welcoming Severus in. He saw Severus's eyes flare with interest as they inspected Remus, lingering for just a fraction longer below his waist. He felt a flush of pleasure at the obvious approval.

"You sure clean up good." The teasing tone took on a trace of local accent.

"I knew I'd have to work at it to match you." Remus laughed as he ushered Severus back out, then took the spare key off the nail under the eaves, locked the door, and hung it back up.

They walked side-by-side to Severus's van, an old Volkswagen, nicely restored and kept.

"If the front doesn't have enough leg room, you can always sit in the back. Be chauffeur driven." Severus smiled.

"I think it'll work." Remus positioned himself carefully, then pulled the door shut as Severus climbed in the other side. "Fine for a couple of hours."

Biggerton, where they were catching the train, was about an hour and a quarter away.

The day was beautiful. Warm and breezy with low humidity, it was a perfect June day, and Remus was utterly content with his lot in life. They talked of inconsequential things on the drive, and he used the conversation as an excuse to look at Severus without appearing to stare. He was aware that others might not find Severus particularly attractive, but Remus liked the way his face was put together, prominent nose and all. It was a face with character. The rest of him wasn't bad, either, and Remus found he was eager to familiarize himself with it. He felt his cheeks warm with the thought, and was glad they were arriving at the train station.

Stretched out in the comfortable Amtrak seat, Remus sighed. It was going to be a long day, and he was planning on enjoying every bit of it.

Severus looked at him. "You seem inordinately pleased with life."

Remus turned his head where it was tipped back on the headrest, and smiled. "I am."

Severus snorted, but the corners of his mouth curled upward.

Once at The City station, they switched to the subway for the trip to the theater district. They had time to kill, so they strolled along the street, looking at the marquees and watching people. The presence of a street vendor reminded Remus that he hadn't had anything but a coffee and a bagel that day. He purchased a lovely golden-baked pretzel stuffed with spinach and feta, and shared a bit with Severus while they walked. Severus, of course, hadn't done anything as foolish as forget to eat just because he was going out.

They dallied a while in the lobby of the theater after picking up their tickets. Remus had secured aisle seats, and they hoped that if they went in close to curtain time, they wouldn't have to keep getting up to let people into the center seats. It was almost time when they settled themselves, and Remus was practically quivering with anticipation. When the lights dimmed, and the music came up, he leaned forward, eyes glowing.

Remus was instantly lost in the production. He loved the old classic and had seen it a number of times on the stage. He also owned the movie and a number of versions of the soundtrack. Occasionally, he'd glance at Severus. Most times, Severus was watching the stage, seemingly as caught up as Remus, but a few times, he found Severus watching him, and it added an extra warmth to his enjoyment. Once or twice, he started to reach out to touch Severus, but stopped himself in time. He wasn't sure it would be welcome.

When the curtain fell for the final time and the lights came up, Remus turned to Severus, and he knew he was alight with pleasure as he smiled. Severus returned the look, and Remus thought he just might implode with happiness.

The crowd was thick, and Severus stayed at Remus's back, protecting him from jostling from behind. At one time, he placed a steadying hand on Remus's side and left it there for several minutes, fingers curling around and under his ribs as though they belonged there. Remus had to remind himself that it was just a friendly gesture, nothing more.

As they moved away from the theater entrance, Remus inhaled the summer air deeply, and started to sing, his mellow baritone drawing smiles from fellow theater goers, and only the occasional odd look from other passersby.

_Some enchanted evening,_  
_You may see a stranger,_  
_You may see a strangeeeer,_  
_Acroooooss a crowded room._

 

"Come on, Severus, sing with me." This was The City, and Remus was feeling freer than he had for ages.

"I will not. Someone has to be available to bail you out after you are arrested for disorderly conduct." The upward curl of his lips belied the severity of Severus's tone.

"Are you telling me that you've never made a public spectacle of yourself?" Remus couldn't help but tease.

"Certainly not." Severus was emphatic.

"Certainly you've never made a spectacle of yourself, or you're certainly not telling me that you have?"

Severus smiled, and touched his elbow. "Come, my charming idiot. Where shall we have dinner?"

Remus laughed. "We still have some time. Can we walk in the park while deciding?"

"Of course." Severus's eyes were shining with what Remus hoped was affection as well as amusement.

It was only a few blocks to the park, and the Public Gardens were in the corner closest to them. They strolled slowly, admiring the flower beds, and then rested on a bench in the shade. A few pigeons approached hopefully, but soon left when they realized there would be no food coming their way.

"This has been a perfect day." Remus was in love with the world.

"It's not over yet." He could hear the laughter in Severus's voice.

"Doesn't matter." Remus beamed at Severus, then sighed. "You must really think I'm an idiot."

He saw a flicker of something in Severus's eyes. "No, Remus, I really don't. A little _odd_ perhaps, but not an idiot." He smiled. "It's nice to finally meet you."

Remus was caught off guard. "What do you mean?"

Severus's eyes were roaming over Remus's face. "It's nice to finally meet the man I came face to face with that first day. The man who didn't just _ping_ my gaydar, but who blew it into a million pieces." Severus reached up and pushed a lock of hair out of Remus's eyes. "Do you have any idea how close I came to grabbing the front of that ratty sweatshirt, dragging you in, and kissing you senseless?" He cocked an eyebrow. "The way you so clearly wanted me to?"

"I, um, no... I didn't realize...." Remus felt his face heat. "Was it really that obvious?"

Severus laughed as he stood and offered his hand. "Maybe you are just a _bit_ of an idiot."

Remus grinned as he took Severus's hand to help himself up, his momentary embarrassment dissipating in the afternoon sunlight. He released the warm hand with reluctance. "I don't care where we eat. Do you have a preference?"

Severus shrugged. "Jacob's Tavern isn't too far, if you don't mind the walk, and they're quite good." He looked around the park, filled with strolling couples and laughing children, all enjoying the beautiful summer day. "I don't really want to go back in the subway before I have to, if it's all right with you."

"Perfectly, and I like Jacob's as well. Or I did fifteen years ago when last I ate there."

"I don't think they've changed management. At least I hope not; they had the best bratwurst." Severus walked close to Remus's side. The day could not get any better.

The Tavern was still under the same management, and they lingered over an excellent dinner, talking idly of everything and nothing, and watching people outside in the street. They were relaxing over a second frosted mug of local brew when Remus's hip started aching. He shifted, and winced.

Severus looked at his watch. "It's about time. You ready?"

Remus drained his mug, and nodded. "I think I've had enough."

Outside, Severus looked around. "Shall we catch a cab?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm not that decrepit yet, and it's a beautiful evening."

It was indeed. The late summer light was lingering, and a soft breeze offered tantalizing whiffs of the rose garden two blocks away. They took the nearest subway, then waited twenty minutes at the station for the last train back to Biggerton. There weren't too many others waiting with them, and they all looked tired, as though they had tried to fit a week's worth of activities into one day in The City. Remus could empathize.

Settled on the train, Remus leaned his head back and relaxed. It had been a wonderful day, and his mind wandered back to the theater. It was several minutes before he noticed Severus watching him, an amused look on his face.

"What?"

"Are you aware that you hum? Not just now, but almost all the time?"

Remus looked blank. "Um, no." He did?

Severus's smile widened, and he nodded. "At work, when you're walking, when you're riding: a lot."

Remus wasn't sure if he should be mortified or not.

"Oh, I don't mind, not that it should matter if I did. You carry a tune well, and choose a wide variety of music. If you hummed the same thing over and over, I'd have hit you up-side the head long ago, but you don't."

"I... really?" Remus felt his face flush.

"Don't." Severus looked apologetic. "I shouldn't have mentioned it." He cocked his head and studied Remus. "I quite enjoy it, is all. We have similar tastes."

Remus turned a little in his seat, his curiosity aroused. "What do I hum?"

"Depends on your mood, although you do seem to be almost annoyingly good-natured." Severus leaned back and studied the overhead luggage rack. "A lot of old folk music; Arlo and Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, Leadbelly – I think – Kingston Trio, Joan Baez. Then there's Enya, some Beatles, a little Beach Boys, a bit of disco, a smattering of country, Gordon Lightfoot, the Oak Ridge Boys, Simon and Garfunkel, and musicals, of course. You seem to be mostly in the 60s through early 80s. There's even the occasional Christmas carol, and one day, opera."

"You're kidding." Remus didn't know what to make of Severus's list. It _was_ all music that he liked, but, _did he really...?_

Severus looked contrite. "Please don't stop on my account." He reached over and touched Remus's hand. "It's part of your charm."

Remus stared at the divider in front of him. He didn't know which was more confusing; learning that he hummed all the time _and had no idea that he did,_ or the fact that Severus had just called him charming. Again.

The conductor came through, punching tickets, and Remus was distracted from his whirling thoughts.

Arriving in Biggerton, Remus found he had stiffened up quite a bit and was glad for the walking stick. Severus didn't remark on it, but asked if Remus would like him to bring the van around. Remus declined, knowing the short walk would help limber him back up a little. He did, however, opt to sit on the bench seat behind Severus, and put his leg up. There was a cushion for his back, and he wondered if Severus had brought it especially for him.

Leaning back comfortably, he realized he was humming. The tune faltered, then he went on, smiling. Severus liked it. Still smiling, he drifted off to sleep.

He awoke an hour later when Severus turned into the dirt road skirting the lake near his home.

"Good lord, Severus, why didn't you wake me. That was terribly rude of me." He was embarrassed that one afternoon out had tired him so much.

"Not at all." Severus parked and turned to him. "Though I did have to turn the radio on for music."

Remus groaned, causing Severus to laugh as he exited the van. He gave Remus a hand climbing out the side door, then walked with him to the house.

Remus unlocked the door, and shoved it open, his heart racing. He reached around the jam to flip on the light, then motioned Severus inside while he hung the key back on the nail. Entering the house, he saw Severus standing by the glass doors to the deck, looking out. The soft glow from the one lamp at the end of the couch could hardly compete with the brilliant light of the full moon shining a tantalizing trail to temp the unwary traveler across the water.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Remus stood behind Severus, close enough to feel the heat of his body.

"Mm." Severus turned. "But I like the view inside better."

A movement seemed to catch his eye, and Severus turned toward the couch, where a black shadow stretched and moved into the light.

"What is _that?"_

Remus moved and scratched the animal's ears. A loud purr rumbled into the quiet. "A cat, Severus, what does it look like?"

"I'm not sure." Severus sounded skeptical. "What's wrong with its fur?"

Remus smoothed a hand over the long black hair that seemed to stand out at all angles. "Don't know. The vet said it's a very unusual coat."

"Can't you brush it down or something? He looks like he stuck his tail in a light socket."

The cat stopped purring and, as though it understood Severus's words, turned toward him and opened big, emerald green eyes in the kind of disgruntled stare only a cat can manage.

"Combing doesn't seem to do any good. His name's Hairy." Remus's finger rubbing along the cat's jaw went unnoticed as the animal continued to stare at Severus. "Hairy, with an 'i'."

Severus laughed. Hairy hissed and leapt off the couch, heading around the foot of the stairs.

"I don't think Hairy likes me." Severus didn't sound particularly sorry.

"Oh, he's a bit shy with strangers."

"Where did he go?"

"There's a cupboard under the stairs he can get in. Hides in there when he's pouting."

"Yes, well, he's just going to have to pout for a while then." Severus moved closer to Remus. "So tell me, Remus." His voice became a soft purr. "Is this a date?"

Remus flushed, and looked down. This was it, time to speak up for what he wanted. "Yeah." He raised eyes to meet Severus's. "Yeah. It is."

Severus smiled. "I'm glad you said that, because I plan on kissing you, and it would be _so_ inappropriate if this wasn't a date."

He trailed the fingers of one hand over Remus's jaw, then burrowed them under the hair at the back of his neck, urging Remus forward a bit. With a sigh, Remus leaned into Severus, his eyes fluttering closed as Severus brushed his lips in an exploratory kiss. When Remus's tongue flitted over Severus's lower lip, Severus deepened the kiss, bringing his other hand up to rest on Remus's hip. Remus's hands splayed over Severus' ribs, then circled around to his back, pulling him close. The thin material of their clothing did nothing to bar the heat of their bodies as they pressed together.

"You're a tease, Remus Lupin." Severus's lips worked down Remus's neck. "You've had me half hard all day, just looking at you." Severus's hand came around to cup Remus's ass and tug him closer, in case he was in any doubt as to the truth of Severus's words. "And that's saying a lot at my age."

Remus could feel the smile against his skin. He gulped and tilted his head back, reveling in the feel of Severus's teeth and lips on his skin. "I thought a tease was someone who lead you on, but didn't make good on the offer?"

Severus's chuckle rumbled deep in his chest. "Don't think I won't hold you to that."

Remus ducked his head and reclaimed Severus's mouth. He trembled slightly as Severus rocked his hips against him.

He shouldn't do this. He really shouldn't. These things never ended well for him, and Severus was a co-worker, but _oh god_ he hadn't felt desire this strong for years, and the obvious fact that Severus returned that desire was a heady experience indeed.

Severus's lips were at that sensitive spot below his ear again. "Do you bareback?"

Remus felt the happiness seep out of him like air from a punctured tire. So this was it then; the first man in ages that Remus had really wanted, wanted for who he was, and not just as a vehicle for sexual gratification, and it wasn't going to happen. He sighed and lifted his head, meeting Severus's eyes with determination.

"No. No, I don't."

Severus slid his stubble-rough cheek against Remus's, pulling him close so that his whisper caressed Remus's ear. "Neither do I."

Remus sagged against Severus in relief.

"My last test, which was negative, was in March." Remus could hear understanding in the soft voice as Severus nipped his ear

"Last May." Remus managed to gasp out as Severus moved his teeth down his neck once more. "Also negative."

Severus moved back a bit, lifting a hand to smooth the hair off Remus's face, his eyes shining with desire in the moonlight.

Whatever he was going to say next was drowned out by the shrill ring of the phone. Remus's head snapped around, and, for the first time, he noticed the number six flashing in red on his answering machine. With the speed granted only to parents, he had the phone in his hand before it rang a second time, gasping out an abrupt, "Yes?"

_"Remus, thank god. Where the hell have you been? Didn't you see my messages?"_

Remus's anxiety melted into annoyance as Arthur's voice, managing to sound both peeved and relieved at the same time, came over the phone.

"I've been out having a life, _mother._ What is it?" He didn't bother trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. Shifting, he sought to ease the binding of his pants; he didn't dare look at Severus.

 _"Dean is still sick with that flu, and Seamus went and fell off his roof today, the idiot, and broke his ankle. I can't get a hold of Severus, and everyone else is running the tourist trains tomorrow, so I_ have to have you _run the early freight."_ He took a breath. _"You'll have to leave by six to be clear before the first passenger run."_

"Yeah, I know what time the first freight leaves, Arthur." Remus ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the clock. It was after one.

 _"Remus, I really_ need...."

"OK, OK, fine. I'll take it." Remus sighed.

_"And next week, I'll have to fudge the schedule a bit."_

"Jeeze, Arthur. All right, all right. We'll talk about that tomorrow." He cut off Arthur before the man could get started again, then just hung up.

"Severus...." He turned unhappy eyes to Severus who, standing casually, weight on one leg, arms hanging at his sides, hair slightly mussed from Remus's fingers, was the sexiest thing Remus had seen in ages.

Severus came forward, a small smile on his lips. "If you're running the morning freight, you'd better get some sleep." He ran a hand down Remus's arm. "We _will_ finish this." He leaned forward and brushed a kiss against Remus's lips, then turned and was gone, shutting the door gently behind him.

Remus moved to the door, snapped the dead bolt, then waited for the lights of Severus's van to come on before turning out the outside flood lights. With a sigh, he headed slowly up the stairs, a black shadow hurrying up behind him.

~~~~


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was done with the freight run at about two that afternoon, coming home to the freight yard between tourist trains. He was exhausted, not just because he hadn't had much sleep, but because he'd been working with Percy. While Remus himself was a detail man, Percy's micro-managing drove him nearly to distraction. Severus, while he had the same exacting standards, did not feel the need to belabor Remus with details on how to do his job. Remus sighed. He just plain missed Severus, was the problem. Percy didn't even give him enough peace during the run to re-live the previous day, although, Remus had to admit, that might have been for the best, all things considered.

When Remus returned to the office, Arthur was revamping the schedule, his short gray hair standing on end.

"Crumb Rock had an explosion and is shutting down early," he barked as soon as Remus came in the office. Crumb Rock was their biggest customer, and was due for their annual month-long maintenance shutdown the following week. Everyone ended up with fewer hours during that time.

"Was anyone hurt?"

"What?" Arthur glanced up, then suddenly looked chagrined. "No, no one's hurt, but they had some equipment damage, so they're shutting down early. They hope to be back up on time, however."

"Fantastic." Remus yawned and stretched. "How much time are we losing?"

"We should be in pretty good shape, actually. I'm transferring Severus."

"What?" Remus almost shouted, getting a grip on himself at the last second. He knew some of his consternation had come through, however, when Arthur gave him a close look.

"Not permanently." Arthur was still regarding him. "I know you two get along well, but he's the low man in seniority so I'm sending him down to the end of the track for a couple of weeks. He'll be bringing cars up to Dresden and Northampton from the hub. That way, _I think_ I can keep everyone pretty much in hours."

"Mingling with the CFX crowd." Remus tried not to sound sulky.

"Here's hoping he doesn't kill anyone."

Remus took a calming breath. "I honestly don't know how you do it, Arthur. I know I bitch as much as the rest of the crew, but really, you do an amazing job of keeping us all in hours, and everything going where it should. Thanks." He had learned long ago that one way to dispel his own bad mood was to give acknowledgement to someone else.

Arthur blinked. He was undoubtedly more accustomed to receiving abuse than praise.

"Oh. Thanks. But you're still losing a few hours."

Remus laughed. "I know Arthur. That wasn't meant as a suck-up, I was sincere."

Arthur still looked skeptical. "So. You'll have tomorrow and the next day off, then I've split your time this way." He pulled a paper from beneath a teetering stack and turned it toward Remus.

Twenty minutes later, Remus was heading for his truck, the new schedule tucked in his back pocket.

"Hey, Dad." The soft greeting came from the shadows at the side of the building as a figure detached itself from the shade and came forward.

_"Teddy?"_ Remus enveloped the young man in a huge hug which was enthusiastically returned. "Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?"

"Ah." Teddy slung his pack onto his shoulder. "I thought you hadn't gotten my message since you didn't call back."

"When?"

"I left it last night. Said I'd be here today, if that was all right." He grinned. "I came anyway."

"Of course." Remus draped an arm around his shoulders, and continued toward the truck. Teddy's message must have been on the machine along with all the ones from Arthur. Remus, thinking they were all from Arthur, had deleted them without listening to each one. "I missed the message, Teddy. I'm sorry."

Teddy dropped his pack into the bed of Remus's truck and grinned across at him. "Does that mean I can guilt you into dinner at Peter O'Neil's?" It was his favorite place.

Remus groaned. "You're going to break me." They climbed into the truck, Remus sliding his right leg over the center hump. "And speaking of going broke, how's college?"

"Dean's list, of course." Teddy was flippant.

Teddy had long, honey-blond hair and Remus's blue-gray eyes. His heart-shaped face was his mother's, and his quick mind was a gift from them both. He was, to Remus's admittedly biased viewpoint, an utterly beautiful, frighteningly intelligent young man, with a sweet and generous nature.

They returned to Remus's house, where Teddy fed Hairy, then played with him while Remus showered and changed.

They dined well at O'Neil's, talking about Teddy's classes and Remus's job, and as they settled over coffee, Remus went silent, waiting to catch Teddy's eye. When he did, he asked, "So tell me, Teddy. What is it that brought you to my doorstep on such short notice?"

Teddy's eyes widened and he took a deep breath. "I think I want to get married."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Only 'think'?"

Teddy shook his head and grinned. "No, I know I do. Rosy, the girl I told you about last Christmas."

"The girl you talked incessantly about?" Remus couldn't help smiling.

Teddy flushed, but he grinned broadly. "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?"

"She sounded like a wonderful person. Are you both planning on finishing school?" He tried hard to keep any judgment out of his voice.

"Absolutely. Rose wants to get her Master's as well, at the least. She wants to work with disturbed kids." Teddy's eyes shone as though this was the most wonderful thing he had ever heard. Perhaps it was, Remus thought.

They talked a while longer, and then, when they noticed that the wait staff was clearing and making closing motions in the dining room, they headed home to Remus's house. It was late when they retired, Teddy on the couch, with the alarm set so he could catch the early bus back to The City, then on to college.

In the morning, they grabbed a quick breakfast at the café, then walked the block to the kiosk that served as the bus stop. They stopped a little way from the few people waiting there. Teddy was nervous, and Remus waited, knowing he'd get to what was bothering him in his own time.

"Dad?" Teddy's eyes were worried.

"What's going on, Ted?"

Teddy took a deep breath. "Are you disappointed in me?"

_"Disappointed?"_ Remus couldn't believe his ears. "Why on earth would I be disappointed in you, Teddy?" He reached out and put a hand on his son's shoulder. "You are everything a father could possibly want."

"But..." Teddy flushed and looked down. "I thought maybe, because, well, because I'm not gay, too," he finished in a rush.

Remus was stunned. He couldn't believe.... He pulled Teddy to him and hugged him, hard and long. "Teddy." Remus had to stop and clear his throat, releasing Teddy, but leaving his hands on the boy's shoulders. "You are completely and utterly perfect, and I would never want you to be anything but exactly what, and who, you are."

Teddy's face melted with relief, and Remus leaned forward, kissing Teddy's forehead. Teddy's arms came around him, and he held on tight, his head resting on Remus's shoulder. "Thanks, Dad." The whisper was almost lost in the grumble of the arriving Greyhound.

Remus waved Teddy away, then shaking his head, and wiping the heel of his hand over his cheek, he turned and headed back to his truck, humming as he went.

~~

Remus was still toweling his hair after his shower when the phone rang. It was Severus, and his voice was low and stiff.

"Are you going to be home this evening? I want to talk to you."

Mystified at the slightly ominous tone, Remus never the less answered cheerfully. "Oh, hi, Severus. Yeah, sure, of course. What's on your mind?"

"I'll be there in twenty minutes, if that's OK."

"Fine...." His voice tapered off as Severus hung up. Remus put the phone down as Hairy jumped up on the table to rub against him. "Well, buddy, I think I detect a bit of trouble brewing. Did you pee on his shoe when he was here?"

Hairy meowed and knocked the phone to the floor. Remus re-cradled it absently then headed for his room to don jeans and a sweatshirt. He wondered why he felt vaguely like a kid who had been caught stealing pumpkins from the neighbor's patch.

Seventeen minutes later, there were two sharp raps on the door. Remus swung it open. "Hey. Come on..." Severus passed him and stood, arms folded in the kitchen. "...in." Remus closed the door gently, then turned to find Severus glaring at him.

"Just what the hell are you playing at?" Severus's voice was low with anger.

"I'd probably be happy to tell you, Severus, if I had any idea what you're talking about." Remus shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Just what was last weekend for you, a little break in the routine? A diversion? Thought you'd have a roll in the hay between visits from your young lover?"

"My _what?_ " Remus felt his jaw drop.

"I _saw_ you this morning." Severus was vibrating with emotion.

"This...." Remus felt relief wash over him, and he laughed. Severus spun, and headed for the door. "No, Severus, wait. Severus... he's my _son._ "

Severus froze, his hand on the door knob, then he turned slowly, arms folding once again. "And would you care to explain _that?_ " Sarcasm dripped off his words.

Remus's spine stiffened. "I might." His voice was level. "But I will not be yelled at, and I will not be bullied."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Severus finally gave a brief nod. "Fair enough."

"And I want to do this sitting down with my leg up." He walked past Severus to the refrigerator. "Not to mention that if I'm going to be forced to relive my life's story, I'll need wine. Would you like some?"

"Will I need it?"

"You might want it." Remus pulled a two-liter bottle of wine from the fridge, then handed Severus two glasses and nodded toward the deck. He grabbed a small pillow off the couch on the way.

Outside, the soft, early summer evening light was reflecting off the lake. Remus dropped the pillow on the bench that ran around the inside of the deck rail, pulled a second chair near the first one facing the water, set down the wine, then lit citronella candles in buckets on either side of the chairs. Seating himself, he lifted his leg and placed it in the middle of the cushion on the bench, and settled back with a sigh. He reached down and retrieved the wine as Severus sat in the other chair. Remus poured them each a generous glass, then took a long drink before starting.

"I'm not ready for this."

"Will you ever be?"

"No."

"Remus, you don't have to... I was upset, I admit. I thought.... Crap. Your _son?"_

"Better than my lover, isn't it?"

"Depends."

Remus gave a dark laugh. "All right. But be warned, it's boring."

"I consider myself warned."

"Right then." Remus sighed and collected his thoughts, then looked over at Severus. "All of it, or just the part where I tried to be straight, married someone, had a son, and got divorced."

Severus narrowed his eyes for a moment, then laughed grudgingly. "Well done." He refilled their glasses. "Though we have all this wine, and you never did tell me how you came to move around so much."

"Mm, well, you've never told me _anything."_

"Ah."

"Good for the goose, good for the gander."

"We do have all this wine."

"First tell me, am I forgiven?"

"Do you want to be?"

Remus half turned to look at Severus. "I'm too old for games, Severus. I may not know what I'm doing, and I'm sure to screw up, but I will never play you along."

"Then I suppose you're forgiven." Severus's eyes glowed softly in the candlelight.

"And later we will discuss whether or not _I_ will forgive _you_ for acting like a dick-head."

" _Will_ we now." Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want to hear the dreary life story of Remus Lupin or not?"

Severus raised his glass. "I'm all ears."

Remus settled back and looked out over the lake. "I was born at a very young age in New Orleans. My mother was forty when I came along, and... she died in childbirth. I had a sister, seven years older, and I think she took care of me a lot. I don't have any memories of anyone else there." Remus sipped his wine. "My father drank a lot. Whether he drank as much before my mother died, I don't know. He resented me, I believe, for my mother's death."

This was all recited in the voice of someone telling a story often heard, rather than someone who had lived the events. It was easier, Remus found, to distance himself when speaking of his early life. "When I was six, my father caught me playing with my sister's dolls. I think I used to do that a lot. He was drunk, angry – he was carrying a bat, or a stick of wood, something." Remus frowned in thought.

"He beat you with a _bat?"_ Severus was incredulous.

"No. He threatened, swung it around, said he should beat the sissy out of me. The fact that he actually did hit me – in the knee – was an accident. _I think._ But he said it served me right for playing with dolls. I was in too much pain to judge whether he meant it or not. Not that I guess it matters." As he spoke of his childhood, his accent grew stronger. "Didn't take me to the doctor, though. It wasn't 'till a week later, when I was almost out of my mind with the pain that my sister called a neighbor in. She sent for the doctor, but he said at that point it would just be better to splint it up and let it heal as it would."

Severus snorted.

"There was no money for special care. We weren't dirt poor, but there was nothing extra. It healed." Remus shrugged. "I used to sit by the tracks that ran behind our house and watch the trains roll through. Wave to the men in the open boxcars, wonder what it was like to just go somewhere else. Somewhere better."

The wavering cry of a loon echoed across the lake.

"One night when I was seven – it was my seventh birthday, actually – my dad came home really drunk. Sat me on his lap and cried and told me how much I looked like my mother, how much he missed her. He kept stroking my hair, and my arms, and touching me...."

"He didn't." Severus sounded furious.

"No, he didn't. He passed out. Whether he would have or not, I don't know. But the next day when I came home from school, my sister folded some of my clothes in a sack, took me down to the station, and put me on a north-bound train. I don't know how she managed it, where the money came from, but Mamaw was waiting for me in Joliet. I never saw my sister again."

"Why not?"

"She died in a car accident two years later; she and my dad. Mamaw said he was drunk. She didn't like him much."

Severus topped off their glasses.

"Mamaw worked two jobs, so I was alone a lot. Pop had died in an accident in the freight yard across the street. That, of course, became where I spent all my time. When I was old enough, I got a job there. Worked, studied, got a scholarship to Redlands in California, left home."

"And your sexuality?"

"Ah, yes. There wasn't much tolerance for queers in my neighborhood, nor in Mamaw's house. I couldn't stand the thought of her rejecting me, so...." Remus shrugged.

"So you rejected yourself, instead."

"I guess I did." Remus set his glass down and folded his arms. "I wanted to fit in, to belong. I guess I was pretty weak."

"Pretty human, I'd say."

The moon was rising on the other side of the lake, and they watched as the world flooded with its silvery light. The loon called again.

"That's where I met Dora, in college. She was in my class and we became friends right away." His voice warmed at the memory. "She was bright, and funny, full of life, fiercely loyal, and the best friend a person could ever have. So I lied to her." He clenched his fisted hands between his knees. "I wanted _so much_ to be like everyone else, and she said she loved me. I never meant to get her pregnant; it was a failure of birth control, not because we weren't careful. God. Once, that's all it took. So I married her. I did love her, just not the way either of us wanted. It fell apart, of course. Didn't even last until Teddy was born. She was furious, not because I was gay, but because I'd lied to her." He cleared his throat. "Did I say she was a wonderful person? She is. Nineteen, and she could see past her situation, past her hurt, and comfort me. _Me._ Like I was the injured party." He shook his head. "That was the end of college, of course. I went to work on the railroad there, started working my way up. Sent everything I could to her, and went to see Teddy whenever I was able."

Remus picked up his glass and drank deeply.

"When Teddy was five, she fell in love. She didn't even tell me he had proposed to her, a friend of hers had to tell me. She had turned him down because he was in the Army, and was going to be stationed in Germany for several years. She didn't want to take Teddy away from me." Remus shook his head. "We had a terrible row over it, but I convinced her that if she loved him, she should go. He was a decent sort, loved her, adored Teddy, even tolerated me." Remus smiled. "I went to visit them, after a year. That's when I started to get the travel bug. I went over each year they were there, and I've continued to travel ever since." He shrugged. "I started moving to different railroads here. I'd see Teddy several times a year; we'd spend a week or two together every summer. Harry – that's her husband's name – has been a wonderful step-dad to Teddy. And Dora," he shook his head. "They don't come any better than her. They had two more kids; Teddy loves them."

Remus could feel Severus studying him, but couldn't find the way to go on.

"So, you've been celibate ever since?" There was a hint of sarcasm to Severus's voice.

Remus looked out over the lake, and concentrated on his breathing, concentrated on not letting the old emotions overwhelm him.

"No." He was shivering. "Of course not."

Severus went in the house without a word, and returned wearing a light jacket that had hung behind the kitchen door. He handed Remus a heavier one, and settled while Remus put it on slowly, wrapping it around himself, and tucking his hands under his arms. Remus stared out at the lake, but saw only his past.

"After Dora left for Germany, I quit the railroad for a while. Went up to San Francisco. I met him right away." Remus cleared his throat. "Sirius. He was fun, and full of life, absolutely gorgeous, and he liked me. Took me home with him the first day. He was living with his best friend, James, and they took me in, and... showed me things. We went out almost every night, bars, the bath houses, and I fell so far in love I thought the world revolved around Sirius. My world did anyway." Remus was shivering harder, in spite of the coat. "I was deliriously happy. I had friends, I fit in. Seventy six days after I met him, Sirius got sick. Forty six days after that, he was dead. Twenty days later, James died."

Remus rocked back and forth, trying to disperse the pain. He took a deep shuddering breath. "It was my introduction to AIDS, and I was terrified. I ran. I was too afraid to get tested; I just kept waiting for a cough to develop, or a fever. I wrote Dora and told her I couldn't come to see Teddy. She called me, and brow-beat the truth out of me. That phone call must have cost a fortune." He smiled grimly. "She told me my son needed his father, and I had better get my ass to a doctor and get tested NOW. It was negative – we'd always been careful." Remus's voice caught. "Sirius insisted; said it wasn't safe to be careless. Fat lot of good it did him and James." Remus wiped his cheek with the heel of one hand. "I was so paranoid that the test was a false negative that I went for retesting every few months for over a year. And yes, I _was_ celibate during that time. I was too afraid to even _talk_ to another gay man at that point." Remus shrugged. "I got over that part eventually, but I never got the knack of a relationship. Just..., I dunno, no good at it. The longest one ever lasted was two years."

They were silent for several minutes, then Remus gave a watery laugh, looking at Severus at last. "Well. That was unexpected." He wiped his hand over his face. "Not what you bargained for, either, I imagine. Guess the wine wasn't such a good idea after all." He finished, looking down at the deck.

Severus stood without a word, and extended a hand to Remus. Remus lifted his leg off the bench and stood, taking Severus's hand shyly. Severus pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. He stood, just holding Remus, for a long few minutes before releasing him slowly. He brought a hand up, and smoothed the fringe off Remus's face, then kissed his forehead. He picked up the bottle and glasses, extinguished the candles, stuffed the pillow under his arm and opened the door. Remus followed him in docilely, then waited while Severus put the things away. Severus was rinsing the glasses when Remus stirred himself and filled Hairy's bowl with food.

He gave Severus a wan smile. "If he doesn't have enough, he dive bombs me at two a.m."

"Mm." Severus's disapproval was clear. He steered Remus to the bathroom. "Extra toothbrush?"

"In there, I think." Remus indicated the cabinet as he spoke around his own brush.

They finished up, and Severus led Remus to the bedroom.

"Severus...."

"Shh." Severus touched Remus's cheek. "There's nothing to fuss about. Come on."

They stripped down to their shorts, then crawled into bed. Severus gathered Remus in his arms again, and rested his chin on the top of Remus's head. "Go to sleep, Remus," he whispered softly, but Remus's hardly heard him as his breathing slowed and he relaxed in Severus's arms.

Outside, the loon called once again to its mate.

~~~~


	4. Chapter 4

Remus woke slowly in the morning, stretching his arm across the bed. Only cool sheets met his touch, and he frowned, wondering why this was unexpected. He yawned, then opened his eyes and looked at his clock. Eight? He hadn't slept that late, or that well, in years. What was going on? If nothing else, why wasn't Hairy walking all over him, loudly demanding to be fed?

_Oh, yes._ He covered his face with his hands as memories of the night before flooded back. What had he done? Told Severus all about the love of his life, and how he still mourned for him? He'd never see the man again. But Severus hadn't gone away, he had held Remus, murmured words of comfort, and soothed the pain.

_Is it possible...?_

Remus rolled off the bed. He dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, then added a sweatshirt. His house was tucked beneath tall pines and was cool, especially in the mornings. He slid down the banister and headed for the bathroom.

Finished with his morning routine, and feeling slightly calmer, he headed for his kitchen, still wondering vaguely where Hairy was. There was a note propped against his coffee pot.

_Remus,_

_As much appeal as the thought of serving you coffee and kissing you awake has, I could not bring myself to disturb such deep slumber. And as some of us have to work for a living, waiting around for you to surface was not an option._

_I have fed the Hairball in the (probably vain) hope that he will leave you alone for a few minutes longer. We will discuss his appalling manners at some future date._

_I will call you,  
Severus_

Remus smiled at the note as he read it again. It gave him a ridiculously warm and happy feeling. Even the insult to his cat made him laugh. He glanced down at Hairy's dish and his eyes opened in momentary horror. The dish held about four times as much food as he usually gave the big cat, and, if the scattered bits and absent cat were any indication, it had held far more earlier in the morning.

He went in search of Hairy and found him sound asleep in a sunbeam by the sliding glass door. Remus smoothed a hand down his side, and Hairy opened one eye half way. His belly was bulging.

"Oh, no. We're going to have to talk to Severus about this." Hairy closed his eye and resumed his impersonation of a rug, soaking up the warmth before the sunlight was obscured by the trees.

Remus went back to the kitchen, emptied the food bowl, and put on a pot of coffee feeling ridiculously pleased with life.

He had not driven Severus off; Severus was going to call him.

Remus suddenly panicked. Severus was going to call him. This might really _be_ the start of something. His mind started running like a hamster on a wheel. He couldn't do this; he didn't know how. Severus wouldn't stand for nonsense, he'd made that clear when he arrived last night, and Remus knew he'd disappoint.

Taking a deep breath, he reread the note once more, and felt his tension ease. Maybe this _could_ work.

There were errands to be done, and when Remus returned home at noon, the message light was flashing on his machine. He pushed the button, a smile on his face.

_"I assume you are out, as even you are not such a sloth as to still be sleeping at eleven in the morning. I..._ he heard Severus take a deep breath. _I appreciate the trust you placed in me last night, and hope you are not having second thoughts as to its advisability. Quid pro quo is most certainly called for here. My place? My wine? If you have the fortitude, we may as well get the 'reveal all' part of the relationship over with as soon as possible. Seven-thirty? I'll bring take-away. I don't know about you, but I missed dinner last night, and missing dinner does not make for a balanced perspective. Leave a message; I'll check before I come home."_

His number followed, then the machine clicked off, and Remus swallowed nervously. _Relationship._ There was no getting around it, was there? That's what it was, or the start of one, anyway. He traced a finger over the play-back button on the machine, then pushed it again.

Remus wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and wondered when he had become such a coward. But Severus had sounded nervous as well, his tone dryer and more formal than usual. Still, he had called, and he wanted to see Remus again.

He picked up the phone and dialed. "Seven-thirty." He let the smile show in his voice.

Remus parked in the lot behind the row of brick buildings that made up part of Main Street. Severus's apartment was on the top floor, near the middle of the block, over the book store. Remus walked around to the street level – using the back entrance to the building would have added another flight of stairs – and strolled down the walk until he came to the bright yellow door sandwiched between the book store and a Mediterranean restaurant. It was unlocked, and he started the slow climb to the third floor. Almost there, he heard the door at street level slam, then the sound of hurried steps. Severus caught up with him in front of his apartment door, arms loaded with bags that gave off smells so wonderful, they were almost dizzying.

Remus tried not to salivate. "I might be a bit early."

Severus shook his head, his hair still damp. "I'm a little late." He studied Remus's face. "All right?"

The soft question warmed Remus to his socks, and he nodded, giving Severus a shy smile.

Severus gave a brief nod. "Door's open."

Remus pushed the door open, and Severus led the way through a small, neat apartment to a kitchen/eating area. He plunked the bags on the table. "Ever eaten at Amalfi's? They're good, and they're just downstairs. Very handy excuse for over-indulging."

"I have. And that's all the excuse needed." He swallowed. "Is there kefta?"

Severus started pulling things from the bags. "And beet and goat cheese salad, mousakka, and paella. The one with the chicken, chorizo, mussels and shrimp."

Remus actually moaned. "All my favorites."

Severus cocked his head. "Are you telling me that, all along, you could have been had for the price of a Moroccan meat ball?"

Remus looked up, a big smile on his face. "Have you _any_ idea what can be done with that yogurt sauce?"

Severus's eyes flared. "I look forward to you showing me." His voice was husky.

Remus blushed, but raised his chin. "As do I." For a heartbeat, the world stood still, then Remus's stomach rumbled into the silence, and they both laughed.

"Sit." Severus gathered plates and flatware, plunked a stack of napkins in the center of the table, then brought glasses and wine.

They divvied up the food and dove in, their conversation idle, starting and stopping as they exclaimed over the different dishes and passed the wine. Finally, the leftovers were stored in the fridge, and Severus had rinsed the dishes, stacking them by the sink for washing some other time. He grabbed two clean wine glasses and the bottle, and gestured toward the small living area on the other side of the divider.

"True confession time." His tone was only half mocking.

Remus sat on the couch and rested his feet on the coffee table. "This isn't necessary, Severus."

Severus sat across from him, and poured more wine. "Yes it is." He studied Remus for a moment, then took a deep breath. "I have found, rather to my surprise, that my interest in you is more than casual. Like you, I am too old for games, and find that one night stands, _especially with co-workers,_ are not things that make my life fuller or more satisfying. Other than maybe once in a while, of course."

Remus smiled and gave a small salute with his glass. "Of course."

"However." Severus looked into his glass, seemingly at a loss as to how to proceed. "If I am about to embark on something that resembles a relationship with the prospect of some longevity, and I find myself hoping that I am, then there is something that I feel it is only fair to reveal about myself." He raised his eyes to Remus. "I was, at one time, suspected, very seriously, by the police, of killing a man." He spoke each phrase slowly, as though allowing time for it to sink in.

Remus held his gaze, sipping his wine to give himself a moment. His thought processes seemed to have shut down. "Just suspected?"

"Yes."

Remus rested his glass in his lap. "So?"

A black eyebrow rose. "That doesn't disturb you?"

"Well, I'm curious as hell, but so far I haven't heard anything to be disturbed about."

Severus sat back and crossed his legs. "From the beginning?"

"The very start." Remus smiled.

Severus nodded. "I, too, was born at a very young age, only in Oklahoma City."

Remus raised his eyebrows, and Severus smiled.

Severus thought for a moment. "I had an uncle, Uncle Bart – my mother's brother, who used to come and visit at Christmas. I remember one Christmas afternoon when I was almost eight. My cousins, from my father's side, were going out to play, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in and play with my little sister and the other young girls. They had gotten dolls and were going to play house. I remember my father objecting, and my mother telling him to let me be, then Uncle Bart came in and sat on the floor with us. He asked if I liked playing with the dolls better than playing cowboys and Indians with the boys. I said I guessed I did. My sister, Lily, informed him that my father thought I was a sissy, but my Uncle Bart said there was nothing wrong with playing with dolls, and asked if he could play, too.

"After that, Uncle Bart came more often, every few months." Severus frowned in thought. "My mother said he worked for an oil company. A geologist, I believe. He'd take me down to the freight yard to watch the trains and talk. Just two friends, he said, talking about whatever we wanted. He'd tell me stories of his travels, and imitate the accents of the people in the different places he'd been. It made me laugh, and I remember saying they sounded weird. He said that they weren't weird, just different, and being different was neither good nor bad, just different, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of."

Remus nodded, not wanting to interrupt the flow of Severus's story with words.

Severus sipped his wine. "Uncle Bart was the one I talked to when I realized that there was something far more different about me than just liking to play with the girls. I realized later, of course, that he was gay, as well. He was the least judgmental person I've ever met, and one of the kindest. He was certainly the best friend a queer little boy in a redneck cowboy town could have had."

Severus sighed. "He died in an oil rig accident when I was fifteen, and just before the end of that school year we moved to Ohio." He laughed without humor. "If I thought I didn't fit in with the crowd in Oklahoma, it was nothing compared to the school in Columbus. Everything about me was picked on, especially my accent. I remembered the way Uncle Bart spoke. He sounded smart and had an accent like the news people on TV. He used to say it was a _non-accent,_ but that a person could sound any way they wanted. So, that summer, I practiced changing my speech. By the time school started again, I sounded like the rest of the kids, and they seemed to forget. They still picked on me for a lot of other things, but not the way I talked."

Remus gripped his wine glass with both hands to keep from reaching out to Severus.

"There was a rail yard a few blocks from where we lived, and I used to bike down there and watch the trains and think about Uncle Bart. He and I used to make up stories about where the trains had been, and what they carried, and who was waiting for the passengers on them. It seemed natural to get a job there when I was old enough."

"Very natural," Remus smiled at the similarity to his own story.

"The summer before my senior year, my parents divorced, and we moved again, this time to Boston. Seems my mom had been seeing a businessman from there for more than a year. They got married, and I was sent off to an exclusive boarding school for the spoiled spawn of the rich," he frowned, "for some reason I've never been able to figure out. Fortunately, my language skills had developed enough by that point that I could bluff my way through my senior year without anyone knowing my roots. Everyone but the Headmaster, that is. He never said anything, but I swear he didn't miss a trick. He seemed almost out of it; used to offer tea and sticky lemon squares and talk in riddles, but I always had the feeling he knew exactly what was going on. You know the type?"

Severus cocked his head, and Remus nodded his understanding.

"After that, I was accepted to a small college in Vermont and once again found that my accent set me apart. I decided then and there that I would learn to speak in a manner that would allow no one to know where I was from. This led into an interest in accents in general, and a major in English.

"Then there was a job at another college in Massachusetts while I got my Masters, then worked on my thesis. I was doing a paper on how regional accents were the results of migratory patterns in the early days of the country."

Severus refilled their glasses. "My thesis advisor was a man named Horace Slughorn. He was very encouraging." Severus's expression was wry. "I was almost done with my thesis when he published a paper on... how regional accents could be explained by the migratory patterns of the early pioneers. It was my work; a lot of it word for word from the pages I had given him to critique."

_"He didn't."_ Remus couldn't help his outburst. "Of all the nerve."

"I created a stink, went to the Dean, threatened to go to the Board, the editor of the journal he published in, whomever. I was told to stop making waves." His tone turned bitter. "I was told that professors frequently used grad students to do research for them. I pointed out that it was not _his_ research, it was _my_ research, and was told, basically, 'not any more.' Slughorn was well connected, very well respected in his field, and I was a nobody. I was told I would be better off, professionally, if I kept my mouth shut. I had a blazing row with Slughorn and made some stupid threats. Not against his life, but against his career. Probably the same thing to him."

Severus rubbed a hand over his face. "Ten days later, he was found dead at his home. No forced entry, no sign of a struggle, just his strangled body. The police found out all about the argument, my threats and rantings, and decided I did it."

"Surely that was all circumstantial evidence?" Remus was indignant.

"Didn't matter. The Detective in charge, Umbridge, was convinced that a conviction would bring her a promotion, and so she spent all her time trying to make the facts fit the suspect. When she was told she didn't have enough for an indictment, she dug deeper and discovered that both Slughorn and I were gay – a fact that I had not been concealing, but Slughorn had. She then came up with this theory that: 1: Slughorn and I were lovers – which _believe me_ was not true; 2: Slughorn had rejected me, so 3: I tried to discredit him by claiming he'd stolen my research; and when that didn't work, 4: I killed him during the commission of some kinky gay sex act."

_"What?"_

"Yeah, well. You'd have to know Umbridge."

"She couldn't _possibly_ think that was true."

Severus shrugged. "As I said, Slughorn was highly connected, and I was a nobody. Umbridge was, apparently, under normal circumstances, a reasonably good detective. But she was a raging homophobe, and she really wanted that promotion. She'd have thrown her own mother under the bus to get it, let alone an ugly, bad-tempered fag."

Remus winced. "But nothing came of it?"

Severus shook his head. "The DA told her that she'd have to have actual evidence if she was going to charge me, and try as she might, Umbridge couldn't find any. Any at all. The case is still unsolved."

"Auto-erotic asphyxiation, you think?" Remus absently refilled his empty wine glass.

"No clue." Severus took a long drink. "So. I was at a bit of a loss, as you might imagine, when I got a call from my old Headmaster at the boarding school. He asked me to come for an interview. I couldn't imagine interview for what, janitor? But, having nothing to lose, and it being rather a compelling summons, I went. Enter Albus Dumbledore into my life, once again.

"He offered me the job of English teacher for the upper grades. I asked if he was aware of my recent history, and he laughed. He said that Horace had gone to school there, and while he was excellent at making connections and currying favor, he was not the best student. He said he had read Slughorn's paper, and he was positive that, unless Slughorn had undergone some sort of major transformation, he was not capable of that kind of research or writing. I, on the other hand, he knew to be more than capable, and as he knew the subject matter was of interest to me, he had no problem believing my story.

"I pointed out that there was a little more to the story than stolen research, and he said – I remember this so clearly – he looked at me over these half-glasses he used to wear, and asked, _Is there?"_

Severus shook his head. "I said 'not really', and that was the end of it. He never said another word about it."

The room was quiet as Remus was busy trying to sort it all out. Finally, Severus cocked his head. "Nothing to say?"

Things seem to settle in Remus's mind with no shock, no desperate questions, just Severus, sitting across from him, looking vulnerable in the low light of the single lamp. Remus took a deep breath. "Didn't you just say there was nothing more _to_ say?" He saw Severus blink, and decided it was time to change the topic. "So how did you get from a small school to trains?"

A small, rather tentative smile twisted one corner of Severus's mouth. "I worked trains in the summer. I found they brought me a sense of peace, for some reason. Then," he cleared his throat, "Albus died. He left me the motorcycle, his almost equally old van, a little money, and a letter telling me it was time to retire from teaching and write my book. I'd received my doctorate in English – he'd insisted on that – but sometime over tea, I had mentioned that I'd like to write a book about accents in America. So he left me this note telling me to retire, travel, and write. Which I did. I have my retirement from teaching when I need it, and I'm also vested with the railroad. This is the last part of the country I had to visit for my work on the book, and now it's just a matter of putting it all together. I have a publisher in New York when it's ready."

"So you'll be leaving soon." Remus's spirits sank. _Dammit, dammit, dammit._ Of course, it was always like this.

"Not necessarily." Severus looked at him steadily. "There's nowhere I call home, and I can do the final writing anywhere."

Remus stared at his knees, unsure about just what Severus was saying.

"Remus?" Severus moved over to sit on the couch next to Remus. "I have no idea what, if anything, will develop between us, and I can't make promises about the future, but I _can_ promise that I want to explore whatever we may have between us." He reached up and traced Remus's cheek with the back of a finger. "Are you willing?"

Remus leaned into the touch, and closed his eyes. "Yeah." Such a simple word, but to Remus is sounded like a huge commitment.

"Then you forgive me for being a dick-head last night?" There was laughter in Severus's voice.

Remus eyed him for a moment, then smiled. "I guess I can, this time."

Severus hesitated. "And you have _nothing_ to say about what I just told you?"

Remus considered. "Well, it doesn't seem as though you had much of a reason to kill Slughorn, though I can understand your wanting to. I mean, the gap between wanting to and acting on that want is pretty huge for most people, and while you sometimes lose it a bit when confronted by monumental stupidity, that's very different from any kind of murderous rage. I've seen you pissed, but never violent." He cocked his head. "I can't even imagine it.

"There is certainly no point in asking if you did it or not, and frankly, I'm not sure it matters to me." He met Severus's gaze. "Is it important that I have an opinion?"

Severus tucked a strand of Remus's hair behind his ear. "It would be of no importance if you did have an opinion; it is of great importance that you don't."

Remus had no time to think about that as Severus leaned forward and kissed him. The kiss was soft and warm and gentle, and Severus's hand came up, his fingers curving around the side of Remus's neck, as his thumb stroked the underside of Remus's jaw. Remus growled low in his throat, twisted his fingers in the front of Severus's shirt, and tugged him closer. Severus responded instantly, deepening the kiss, and they nearly devoured each other as Remus felt the heat build, and his blood hum through his body. When their lips finally parted company, Remus felt drugged with desire.

"Come to bed with me." Severus's rough request melted the last bone in Remus's body and sent his remaining brain functions south.

"Bed?" He tried to focus, but all he could see were those kiss-swollen lips just out of reach.

Severus's deep chuckle flowed over him. "I have found, at my age, that bed is the most comfortable place to make love. While I admit to imagining many other venues while in your company, the truth is that, since there actually _is_ a bed in the other room, I'd prefer to use it."

"Right." Remus stood so abruptly, he almost lost his balance. Severus got up more slowly, a lazy smile on his face. Remus draped his arms around Severus's shoulders, and leaned into him. Something was different. He stopped, then drew his head back and focused on Severus's forehead.

"What?" Severus sounded totally baffled.

"You're taller. You weren't this tall the other night; how did you get taller?" For some reason this seemed important. How much wine had he drunk?

Severus looked exasperated. "You were wearing boots, I was wearing sneakers. Now," he stepped back and looked at their feet. "I am wearing boots, and you are in sneakers."

Remus tried to focus, his nerves seemed to be jangling. "But... are you really taller?"

Severus wrapped his arms around Remus's waist. "Why don't we take all our clothes off, and see who's _taller._ " His voice was a growl in Remus's ear.

Remus rested his head on Severus's shoulder, and took a long slow breath. The tension and nervousness flowed out of him as Severus's words sank in. "Yeah." He let his desire shine from his eyes as he looked up. "Let's do that."

Severus shook his head and smiled as he took Remus's hand, and led him toward the bedroom. "I'd almost think you were a virgin."

Remus drew himself up. "Is that so?" Not the snappy comeback he would have liked, but he found that he really wasn't capable of thinking clearly at the moment.

Severus turned off the light in the living room. A greenish, dappled light from outside flickered on the ceiling and wall of the bedroom, casting just enough light so a person wouldn't get an elbow in the eye at a bad time.

"What's that from? Looks like the moonlight on the lake at my house."

Severus unbuttoned Remus's shirt, sliding it off his shoulders and leaning forward to kiss his collarbone. "It's the floodlights reflecting off the settling pools of the treatment plant on the other side of the parking lot."

Remus was momentarily distracted by the way Severus twitched when he ran a thumbnail over his still-covered nipple. But... "The _sewer_ treatment plant?" He blinked at Severus.

_"Wastewater."_ Severus sounded thoroughly frustrated. "What is it going to take to keep your attention?" He slid his hand down between Remus's legs and cupped him, squeezing firmly.

Remus gasped. "That'll work."

And from then on, Severus had his complete and undivided attention.

Stretched out at last in Severus's bed, pressed against his warm body, stroking every bit of skin he could reach while devouring that luscious mouth, Remus wondered why he had denied himself this pleasure for so long. It had been... quite a while since he had lain, fully naked, beside a lover. Severus's warmth and urgent touch filled him with a sense of rightness. And arousal. A _lot_ of arousal.

Severus rolled on top of him, rocking his hips against Remus. "All right?" The breathy question came from Severus between nips to Remus's nipples. He gripped Severus's hair and made an incoherent sound.

"I'll take that as approval." Severus's voice was syrup-smooth. He sat up, straddling Remus's hips, squirming his ass against Remus's groin. "How about that smooth ride you promised me?"

Remus arched against him, making a noise somewhere between a whimper and a growl. Severus laughed and leaned over, opening the drawer in the bedside table and extracting a small foil packet and a tube of lube. He tore the packet with his teeth, spitting the bit of foil on the floor while moving down to sit on Remus's thighs. He stroked Remus to full hardness, then rolled the condom over him while using the other hand to fondle and squeeze Remus's balls.

"Mm. I think you may actually _be_ a little taller than I am." Severus added a dollop of lube, then capped and tossed the tube in the general direction of the table.

Remus made a desperate sound, and Severus chuckled as he leaned forward to kiss Remus's stomach. "And now it's time this conductor got his ticket punched."

"Oh, fuck," Remus choked on a laugh as Severus rose up, positioned himself over Remus's cock and bore down.

When Remus's cock breached the tight ring of Severus's muscles, Severus paused, his head thrown back, his eyes closed, an expression of concentration on his face. Remus stilled, enthralled by the sight. Severus let out a long breath, and Remus felt him relax and sink lower.

Remus stroked Severus's thighs, shaking with the effort to keep from thrusting up and burying himself in Severus's tight heat.

When at last Severus was fully impaled on Remus's cock, he opened his eyes and looked at Remus. The heat of the look, the desire that shone on Severus's face almost undid Remus then and there. Severus rose up a little, and Remus thrust into him, groaning at the feel of the snug warmth, and silky softness of Severus's body pulling him in.

It took a minute for them to coordinate their movements, but soon it felt to Remus as though they had been doing this forever. All too soon, he threw his head back, and went stiff, emptying himself with almost painful force inside Severus.

Remus came to himself slowly to find Severus still atop him kissing his face, and stroking his hair, murmuring soft, meaningless words. Remus's hand, which had been wrapped around Severus's cock, was fisted in the sheets, and he could feel Severus's still-hard length against his stomach.

"You," he managed to gasp out, urging Severus to roll off of him. Severus complied, removing the condom and dropping it over the edge of the bed in one smooth motion.

Remus reached for the bedside table.

"In the back." Severus's voice was husky. "Flavored ones... if you want."

Remus dug out the small box, and squinted in the dim light. "Mint, mango – yuk, I think we can agree that cherry is inappropriate here – _ah._ " He pulled out a packet and tore it open. "Banana."

Severus slid a hand up Remus's back and fisted it in his hair. "Get on with it," he growled, shaking Remus gently.

Remus squirmed around and down on the bed until he was comfortably settled between Severus's legs, rolled the condom on with practiced ease, and slowly licked his way up the length of Severus's cock. Severus made the most gratifying sound, and Remus swirled his tongue over the head of Severus's cock, pushing the tip briefly into the slit. He hummed softly as he took all of Severus down his throat, relishing the heat of him, and the firmness of his flesh.

"Oh, _god,_ " Severus suddenly convulsed, almost hitting Remus in the head with his knee. Remus drew back, worried, but Severus was... laughing?

Miffed, Remus raised up on his elbows and stared as Severus coughed and choked. "I've certainly never gotten that reaction before." He had no idea what was going on with Severus.

Severus gasped, and wiped his eyes, then propped himself up on his elbows, too. "You were _humming._ "

"I'm told," Remus adopted a lofty tone. "That it makes for a rather pleasant sensation."

"It does." Severus started to chortle again. "But you were humming the theme song from _'Barney'._ " He dissolved in laughter again.

Remus was stunned. "I was?" Wait. "How would _you_ know?"

Severus was flat on his back again laughing. He waved vaguely. "Too many Saturday morning hangovers back in the day. Nothing else on."

Remus waited until Severus gained control once again. "So, would you prefer a chorus of 'Coming 'Round the Mountain'? Or perhaps Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy'?" He tried to sound severe, but was sure his smile could be heard in his voice.

Severus sat up and ran gentle fingers through Remus's hair. "I didn't mean to offend you." A smile threatened to take over his face. "Anything is fine."

"I dunno." Remus swirled his tongue over the head of Severus's cock, then nipped lightly at the rim. Severus fell back on the bed with a gasp at the feel of Remus's teeth. Remus settled down, sucking first one of Severus's balls into his mouth and rolling it on his tongue, then the other. He released them with a wet pop and looked up. "I may have lost interest."

"Remus, _please._ " Severus was shaking, hands gripping the sheets convulsively.

Remus obliged.

When Remus was finally stretched out beside a gasping and limp Severus, stroking his belly and waiting for him to come down, he studied the pattern of light moving on the ceiling. It really was rather restful.

"That," Severus gasped as he rolled onto his side, "was the most fun I have had in bed in a long time." He reached out and smoothed the hair off Remus's forehead. "Maybe ever."

"Should I make comedy sex a career, do you think?" Remus still wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole thing.

Severus's eyes darkened. "That might not be a bad idea, as long as you do it in my bed."

Remus blinked at the unexpected reply, but before he could think of anything to say, Severus had growled, "Stay here," and rolled off the bed. He picked up the discarded condoms and wrappers, and exited the room while Remus enjoyed the view. A moment later, Remus heard water running, and just as he was starting to doze, Severus came back, warm washcloth in hand, and tended to Remus gently and thoroughly.

"Mmm, feels good." Remus was more than half asleep. Severus kissed his forehead, tossed the washcloth, and pulled the covers over them. He nestled into Remus's side and sighed.

The last thing Remus remembered before sleep finally overtook him was hearing someone humming the 'Barney' song.

~~~~


	5. Chapter 5

Remus woke to find himself in a strange bed. _This hasn't happened for a long time,_ he thought as he got up and pulled on his clothes. Remembering the events of the previous night made him smile as he wandered out to find the bathroom. He relieved himself, splashed water on his face, and combed his hair. Leaning around the doorjamb, he spotted Severus at the table in the kitchen area. Or, at least, there was a newspaper at the table, and he assumed Severus was behind it.

"Toothbrush?" He asked hopefully.

The paper rustled. "Bottom drawer."

Remus pulled open the drawer to find it neatly organized. A half-dozen new toothbrushes lay in their plastic sleeves. A _half-dozen._ Two boxes of condoms in the bedside table. Remus felt a surge of totally unfamiliar jealousy. He scrubbed his teeth viciously, reminding himself that Severus was a free agent.

In the kitchen, the smell of coffee did a lot to dispel any lingering upset and returned him to his natural, post-coital buoyancy.

"Morning, Severus."

Severus lowered the paper and nodded. "Good morning." He pointed to various locations in the small kitchen area. "Coffee, mugs, plates, toaster oven." He then indicated a brown paper bag on the table. "Muffins."

"You've been over to the Paper Sack already? I _love_ their muffins. What kind are there?" He picked a mug out of the cabinet and poured coffee.

"You could look." Severus tone was dry, and he turned a page. "I bought an AM Delight, and a blueberry. I saved you half of each."

Remus reached for the bag. "The top half or the bottom half?"

"The left half." Severus lowered his paper. "Remus?"

"Mm?" Remus put the muffin halves in the toaster oven and depressed the lever. When Severus didn't answer, he turned to look.

Apparently, that was what Severus was waiting for. He spoke carefully, but without any rancor. "I can't abide people who chatter in the morning."

"Oh." Remus flushed. "Well, that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I mean, it's not as though I'm used to talking to anyone. There's Hairy, of course, but he doesn't say much...."

"Remus?"

The toaster dinged, and Remus took the hot muffins out and dropped them on a plate, then wiped his hands on the dish towel.

"Mm?"

Severus was watching him, a look between amusement and frustration on his face. "Hush."

"Oh." Remus dropped into the chair across from Severus and reached for the butter. "Sorry, guess I'm not used to this kind of thing. Well, I _know_ I'm not used to this kind of thing, but I don't usually chatter, as you know, it's just...." He trailed off lamely when he realized what he was doing.

Severus set his paper aside, and rubbed a hand over his face. Remus thought he saw a smile, just for a second, before it disappeared behind Severus's hand.

"You don't have to be at the yard before ten today, is that correct? I haven't let you oversleep, I hope."

"That's right." Remus bit into the AM Delight, and closed his eyes for a moment in pleasure. "What's your schedule?"

"I'll be going down to the south end of the line today. They have me on night runs."

Remus nodded. The line to the south was busier than it was here at the end of the tracks, and they ran twenty-four hours a day.

"Four ten-hour days."

Remus's heart sank. "You'll be staying down there then?" Of course. It was a three hour drive to the southern yard.

"Part of the week at any rate."

Remus sipped his coffee. "Do you have a place in mind?" He tried to sound casual, but feared he failed. "Not that it's any of my business."

"I worked out of the same area before when I was with CFX."

"You said you thought they were incompetent idiots." Remus blurted out.

"I think most people are incompetent idiots." Severus shook his head. "Anyway, when I worked for them, I shared a house with a couple of other men. I talked to them; they still have room."

Remus felt a cold lump in his stomach. "I see."

Severus got up and refilled his mug, stirring in a spoonful of sugar. "I should be back Monday, sometime."

Remus nodded, buttering his half of a blueberry muffin carefully. "That will be convenient for you."

Straddling his chair, Severus appeared to study Remus. "What's bothering you?"

 _Stop being stupid,_ Remus ordered himself. He forced an innocent look. "Nothing."

Sighing, Severus shook his head. "God, you're a lousy liar." He sat forward, his forearms resting on the table. "Remus. Are you upset because I ate half the AM Delight, or – and I know I run the risk of sounding insufferably arrogant – is this about the fact that you'll miss my stunning sexual prowess, or – and _here_ I run the risk of truly offending you – are you concerned that I'll be fucking the other men?"

Remus felt his face heat. "I have no claim on you."

Severus sat back again. "I'd rather hoped you'd miss me."

Remus gave him a sharp look.

"Look, I've never been in an exclusive relationship, and I've never refused an offer..." Severus made a slight face, "a _reasonable_ offer of sex. That does _not_ mean, however, that I am incapable of keeping my cock in my pants if I so choose."

Remus couldn't look at him. "I'm not asking...."

"Which is why," Severus cut across him. "I am willing to make some alterations in my usual... lifestyle." He took a swallow of coffee. "As I said last night, I'm in new territory here. My unwarranted attack of jealousy the other night, as well as being highly distasteful, was startling and humbling. I've never experienced anything like that before." He reached out and touched the back of Remus's hand where it lay on the table. "I find myself wanting to spend more time with you, wanting to know what comes next. It may be nothing, but I want to find out, and if that means keeping my virtue intact for a few weeks, it's a small price to pay."

Remus felt the lump in his stomach start to dissolve. "Really?"

"Yes, really." Severus chuckled. "Anyway, have you seen legions of men lining up to have a go at this ugly old man?"

"You're not ugly!" Remus was indignant. "And it's just as well there aren't legions, as _I'm_ probably too old to fight them off."

Severus laughed as he got up to put his dishes in the sink. Remus followed, feeling light with relief.

"I'd better go. Hairy will rip my leg off when I come in the door if he doesn't get fed soon."

Severus made a non-committal noise, and they faced each other by the door.

"I'll call you when I get back."

"I'll expect it." Remus raised his chin.

Severus leaned in and kissed Remus. It was a soft and gentle kiss, and Remus snaked his arms around him, pulling him close. Severus came willingly, lifting a hand to weave his fingers through Remus's hair.

"I _will_ miss you." Remus smiled at him.

"Didn't I tell you that you were a lousy liar?

Remus laughed, and opened the door. "Stay out of trouble."

"I promise not to get caught."

The door closed, and Remus started down the steps feeling better than he had in years. _Could it be that this time...?_ He hummed as he came out on the sunny street, and headed for his truck.

~~

Remus always enjoyed the summer slack time, using the extra hours off to play tourist around the state, kayak some of the many lakes, or just sit home and work on re-writing his journals into the computer. He didn’t need to visit the Y in summer, as his lake provided a daily swim, and he would get up early just so he could nap on the flat rock at the water's edge in the morning sun. His end of the long lake was a bit remote, so it hadn't been built up as much as the north end, and each house had a fair amount of tree-filled space between it and the next one. To Remus, it was as close to perfect as anywhere he'd ever lived.

He found he missed Severus more than he would have thought. He missed his dry humor, his intelligence, and the fact that he could trust him absolutely in the freight yard. Percy was good, but he was so determined to get things exactly right that he fussed to the point where Remus wanted to strangle him. Ron was too casual for Remus's taste, and he sometimes wondered if Ron actually went and _looked_ at the switches, or if he just assumed they were set right. Draco was passable, but had a problem with measurement. If he told Remus he had ten feet to coupling, then Remus knew it was no more than five. Remus sometimes wondered if Draco was compensating.

Remus also spent rather a lot of time thinking about the night he had spent in Severus's bed. Sometimes he blushed with mortification at the thought of things he had said or done, but overall, the memories were extremely pleasant. Severus seemed to have had no criticism, at any rate. Well, other than of Remus's babbling in the morning. Remus was not normally a babbler, but there was just something about Severus that threw him totally off his normal easy confidence.

 _Maybe it's because Severus is the best thing you've encountered since –_ No! _That was then and this is now._

Remus sighed and looked at the clock for the fifth time in twenty minutes. It was seven-thirty. Severus had said he'd be back that night, and that he would call. _Fine. So, he will._ Remus got up and switched off the computer, poured himself a glass of wine, and settled on the couch with a book. Hairy had just made himself comfortable in his lap when the phone rang.

By the time Remus had dislodged a disgruntled Hairy and crossed the room, the answering machine was picking up. He grabbed the hand set.

"Hi, yeah, it's me. Hang on." He switched off the machine in mid-message. "Yes?"

"What were you doing, taking a long shower?" The deep voice had a seductive chuckle.

"No." Remus felt his face heat. "I was reading, and Hairy didn't want to get off my lap."

"Can't blame him, I suppose." It sounded as though Severus was stretching. "Just got home. Would you like to come over and watch a movie?"

"Is that a euphemism for having sex now?" The teasing words were out of Remus's mouth before he could stop them.

Once more, that rich, seductive chuckle flowed over Remus, making him shiver. "I wish it was, but I have the _sinking_ feeling that I'm too tired, much as I'd like nothing better than to ravish you senseless. If just my company would do for the evening, we could always see what comes up in the morning."

Remus felt a flush of warmth. "I think I'd like that. Half an hour?"

"Mm. Don't bother bringing a toothbrush. As you saw, my dentist gives them to me by the handful every year. I don't know what he thinks I do with them." He heard Severus yawn. "See you when you get here."

Remus hung up, a huge smile on his face. Severus's dentist.... Well. Humming happily, Remus went to put food out for Hairy, and upstairs to change his socks.

The movie they chose from Severus's collection was, _To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar._ They sat side by side on the couch, feet on the coffee table, and ate popcorn, drank root beer and laughed. There were kisses, and lingering touches, and when they retired to the bedroom, Remus was utterly content. They undressed each other slowly, with much touching and affection, and then curled around each other under the covers and slept.

This time, Remus was the first to wake. He watched the dancing reflections on the ceiling for a few minutes, then got up to use the bathroom. Returning, he looked at Severus, sprawled face down on the bed, breathing deeply. Remus smiled to himself, gathered up his clothing, and went to dress in the living room. After putting coffee on, he let himself out quietly and hiked the two blocks to the Paper Sack. He could smell the bakery when he was still half a block away, and quickened his steps.

Returning with muffins and a paper, he found Severus dressed, but still rumpled and groggy, pouring himself a mug of coffee. He took down another mug and poured some for Remus.

"Thought you'd abandoned me." Severus passed over the coffee and got plates.

"I wouldn't do that." Remus kissed his cheek. "Not and leave the coffee pot on."

Severus snorted.

They moved around each other in the kitchen without much trouble, toasting muffins and fixing coffee, then settled at the table. Severus glanced at the headlines, but didn't pick up the paper, and Remus felt no inclination to chatter.

Clearing the table, Severus stretched. "I've a lot to do today, laundry being the most pressing. Would you like to go out for dinner tonight?"

"I've got a chicken I was planning on roasting. How about you come over?" Remus didn't look at Severus.

Severus nodded. "Works for me. Shall I bring wine?"

"If you want. I think I have some."

They stood by the door, and Severus wound the fingers of one hand in Remus's hair. "Not too disappointed about last night, I hope?"

Remus grinned. "We aren't twenty anymore, are we."

"No." Severus chuckled and kissed him briefly. "Which is why I was surprised you were worried about me screwing around on you. It was flattering that you thought I _could,_ but not all that realistic, I'm afraid, not when you'd just fucked me so thoroughly."

Remus fidgeted. "There _are_ little blue pills for that."

"There are. Will it make you feel better to know that I wasn't even tempted?"

"Really?" Remus was genuinely surprised.

"Yeah." Severus's eyes glowed. "Must be something wrong with me." He leaned in and kissed Remus again.

Remus was starting to get lost in the kiss when Severus broke it off slowly.

"Away with you. I have work to do." He gave Remus a gentle push toward the door.

Remus stopped at the supermarket on his way out of town and bought a plump roasting chicken. He'd been planning to anyway, really. Then, after a glance at his watch, he detoured a few miles out of his way to visit a local farm stand. He selected summer squash, zucchini, green peppers, and red potatoes to roast with the chicken, a crusty loaf of homemade bread, and some end-of-season strawberries for dessert. The strawberries were ripe and honey-sweet, filling his car with a heady fragrance. He would bake some shortcake, and – no, better just to serve them with cream. It wouldn't do to get overly full, after all. Remus smiled all the way home.

Severus was due at six, so Remus timed dinner for seven. He gave the house a quick dusting, vacuumed the floors, and tidied the cat box. The sheets on the bed had been changed that morning, before he'd done laundry. He'd blushed when he did it, but sternly reminded himself that he was just being a good host, not a lecherous bastard.

Remus fed Hairy, who was pestering the daylights out of him, the smell of the roasting chicken obviously being more than the cat could stand.

"If you're good, I may give you a little bit of skin after dinner. Now, I'm going to go shower and shave. Severus will be here in about twenty minutes, so _please_ don't take a big, stinky dump just before he gets here."

Hairy looked offended.

Remus fretted over his clothes for about two seconds, then dragged on jeans and a tee shirt from the State Fair and headed downstairs just as Severus pulled in. Barefoot and still tousled, Remus opened the door, his face almost hurting from the size of his smile. Severus eyed the two big carrots on the front of Remus's shirt, and raised an eyebrow. Remus laughed, not having given the design a thought.

"That's promising." Severus kissed him lightly. "Smells wonderful."

Just then, there was the sound of furious scratching coming from the bathroom. "Oh, no." Remus closed his eyes and groaned. A few seconds later, an awful stench drifted into the room, overwhelming the good cooking smells from the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I _told_ him not to do that." Remus headed for the bathroom to flush the offending gift from his cat.

"That was your first mistake." Severus called from the kitchen. "Corkscrew?"

"Left of the sink." Remus washed his hands and returned to find Severus hunting through the drawer. "Um, maybe here." He opened another drawer and rummaged around. "Here it is." He handed it over. "I usually drink the classy stuff with the screw top."

"Nothing wrong with that." Severus twisted the cork out expertly. "I frequently do." He found glasses and poured for them. "I'm just trying to impress you."

Remus was blank. "Why?"

Severus handed him a glass, his eyes dancing with laughter. "No reason. Apparently." He sipped his wine. "How long before it's ready?"

"Another half hour in the oven. Care to sit on the deck?"

Severus nodded, and they went out, making themselves comfortable. Farther down the shore, they could hear some children laughing and splashing in the lake.

They had been sipping their wine, making fragmented and easy conversation, for some time when Severus looked around their chairs. "Hairy doesn't come out?"

"Nope. He was abandoned as a kitten. Someone put him in a basket on the seat of my truck while I was at the Y."

"Good reason to always lock your doors."

Remus gave him a hard look. "Anyway. He was just a little fella; I had to bottle feed him for a couple of weeks. He doesn't seem to ever want to go out."

A timer went off in the kitchen. "Stay if you want. It'll be a few more minutes." Remus rose and opened the screen door.

Severus followed. "Must be something I can do."

Severus set the table while Remus took the chicken from the oven and moved it to a platter to rest. He scooped the vegetables into a bowl and put them back in the oven to keep warm. When Severus came back in from the living room with the small candle that lived on top of the bookcase, Remus felt a warmth clear down to his toes.

"Matches?"

Remus pointed with his chin, his hands being full. "On that shelf."

"Are the notebooks in the bookcase your journals?"

"That's right." Remus carved a leg off the chicken.

"There certainly are a lot of them." Severus leaned on the counter next to him, wineglass in hand.

"I'm old, I've been around a long time." Remus grinned at him. "White meat or dark?"

"Either, both." Severus sipped his wine. "I'd still like to read them sometime."

"Really?" Remus was surprised. "If you want. I do think you'll find them pretty boring though. They're just my thoughts and observations. Nothing exciting."

Severus reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Remus's ear. "I think I'd enjoy them, if you don't mind."

Remus laughed. "Good for falling to sleep at night if nothing else, I guess." He put the chicken back in the oven to keep it safe.

Severus put the loaded plates on the table, and refilled their glasses. They hadn't been seated long before Hairy was standing with his front feet on Severus's leg, meowing and batting at his arm.

"Hairy!" Remus gently moved the cat back with his foot, but Hairy squawked and leapt over his leg to annoy Severus some more. "He doesn't usually do this. I _never_ feed him at the table."

Severus put his knife and fork down. "Not entirely his fault." He reached in his shirt pocket and extracted a stuffed gingham mouse, which he dangled over Hairy's head while the cat danced on his hind legs. He tossed it into the living room, and Hairy was after it in a flash. "Catnip."

"You brought my cat a gift?" Remus felt ridiculously pleased.

"A bribe. If I happen to be so lucky as to receive an invitation to share your bed tonight, I don't want that heathen to pee in my shoes."

Remus laughed, feeling as though he probably glowed like the flame of the candle. "Of course you're invited, Severus. And if he does misbehave in such a rude fashion, I'll replace your shoes." He leaned over and looked under the table. "They aren't terribly expensive, I hope."

"Cheapest ones I own." Severus returned the laugh. "I've had dealings with vindictive cats before."

"You don't like cats?"

Severus shook his head. "I like cats fine; they don't seem to like me."

"Perhaps they perceive insincerity in your adoration?"

They laughed together, and the meal passed in a pleasurable way. Finally replete, they cleared away the mess, Severus washing while Remus packed up the leftovers and put Hairy's promised treat in his bowl. Severus was drying his hands when Remus noticed the blue bowl still sitting on the counter, covered with a clean dish cloth.

"Oh, I forgot." He picked the bowl up and uncovered it. The summer-sweet smell of strawberries filled the room.

Severus stood in front of him and picked up a plump berry. He popped it in Remus's mouth, and Remus closed his eyes as the fruit burst with sweetness on his tongue. "Ambrosia." He offered Severus one.

Severus pulled his lips back and took it with his teeth, nipping Remus's fingers in the process. Remus chuckled, "You're as bad as Hairy."

Severus growled, feeding Remus another fruit.

"I have cream for these, you know. We could whip it."

A black eyebrow raised in question. "I didn't know you were into that kinky stuff."

Remus felt himself flush. "Well...." He lifted his chin and smirked. _Let Severus wonder._

They stood close, feeding each other berries and sucking sticky fingers, the cream forgotten. Half the berries were gone when Severus cleared his throat. "I've had enough of this." He put the bowl in the refrigerator, wrapped his arms around Remus, and licked his sticky lips, drawing the bottom one into his mouth and sucking gently. Remus lost track of which way was up.

"Take me to bed." Severus rough plea was growled into Remus's neck, and Remus couldn't move fast enough to comply.

Upstairs, a sense of urgency overtook them, and clothes were discarded haphazardly until they fell on the bed, pressed closely together. Then, time slowed as they explored each other with fingers and teeth and tongues, whispering fragments of words, and making soft sounds. They stroked and pressed and touched, kissed and encouraged until Remus arched into Severus's hand and cried out, emptying himself with abandon.

Gasping, he quickly brought his attention to Severus, and before long, Severus joined him in release.

Flat on his back, Remus managed to raise a hand and waggle his finger. "Under your pillow. Towel."

"My pillow's on the floor." Severus didn't open his eyes.

"Somewhere." Remus gestured vaguely.

"Make me look, will you?" Severus rolled onto his side and looked over the edge of the bed. He found the small, soft towel, and used it to wipe Remus clean first.

"Polite." Remus mumbled.

Severus slapped him lightly in the face with the towel, tended to himself, then dropped it on the floor and retrieved his pillow. Remus propped himself up on his elbows and surveyed the wreckage of the bed. "I just made this up this morning."

"Is that a complaint?"

"Not at all." Remus smiled as he tugged up the sheet and spread it over them. "I couldn't think of a better thing to have happen to my bed."

Severus snorted and turned onto his belly, lifting himself onto his elbows. "You work tomorrow?"

"Mm." For some reason they were whispering. "When do you head back?"

"Two." They looked at each other for a long moment, then Severus leaned over and gave Remus a slow, gentle kiss. "Sleep."

Remus smiled, settling comfortably against Severus's side.

Downstairs, Hairy lay on his back in a moonbeam, purring.

~~

Remus surfaced slowly from a deep sleep. As soon as he stirred, a deep rumbling purr commenced near his ear, and a cool, soft paw patted his cheek. Remus mumbled and reached up absently to pat the cat on his pillow, then as memory returned, he blinked his eyes into focus. An arm's length away, Severus lay on his stomach, his head turned toward Remus. One bright eye watched him through a curtain of dark hair.

Remus smoothed the hair back, and the resulting smile warmed him to his toes. "Morning."

"Morning." Severus's voice was low and rough, and did delightful things to Remus's insides, however....

"Bathroom." He rolled off the bed, grabbed a few scattered articles of clothing and headed for the stairs. After relieving himself, washing his face, giving his teeth a quick brush, and combing his hair, he discovered that the underwear he had grabbed belonged to Severus.

Coming out of the bathroom, clad only in his tee shirt, he almost bumped into Severus, who handed him his underwear. "Thought you were going to be in there all day." He set Remus gently aside, and went in, closing the door.

Remus was just zipping his jeans when Severus opened the bathroom door again, lounging against the jamb naked. Remus had to stare.

"May I have my underwear, please?"

He could hear the laughter in Severus's voice, and grinned in reply. "Well, I dunno. You make a rather fetching picture that way."

"Idiot." Severus's smiled and grabbed the item in question from Remus's hand. He dressed slowly, his eyes on Remus. "Coffee?" Severus prompted.

"Oh, right. Sorry." He headed for the kitchen. "The morning view around here is always so pleasant, I get distracted sometimes."

Remus had just started the coffee maker when Severus came into the kitchen, a slight frown on his face. "What, exactly, did that mean?"

Remus took him by the shoulders and turned him, pushing him gently across the living room and out onto the deck. The air was fresh and sweet with the smell of pine. A great blue heron took off from the shallow water below the house and flew away on slow, deep strokes of its wings. The morning sun slanted off the water dazzling the eyes, and in the distance, the early freight blew for the crossing at Lake Avenue. Remus cocked his head. "That'd be Dean driving."

Severus nodded. It was possible to tell who was at the controls by the way they sounded the horn. The echoes of the train faded, and into the stillness came the sound of quacking as a phalanx of ducks skimmed the surface on the water, landing in perfect formation.

Remus moved the hair off the back of Severus's neck and planted a gentle kiss on the warm skin. "I assure you, the only naked man seen in this house on a regular basis is me."

Severus sighed as he turned. "I really don't know where this jealously is coming from. _I assure you_ that it is highly unusual, and I find it very unseemly."

"Perhaps you just need coffee?" Remus made light of it as they went back to the kitchen, but his pulse was racing with pleasure.

They took their coffee to the deck, and Remus was only halfway through his mug when he stood and stretched. "I'm going for a swim. Care to join me? I have extra trunks."

"Are they needed?" Severus made no move to get up.

Remus made a face. "I didn't used to bother this early, unless the Goodwins' grandkids were visiting _with their kids._ But," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "That place," he gestured to where the next house stood hidden in the trees, "is being rented by a couple from The City. He spends his week there, but she is here all the time. She seems to have discovered my early morning habit, and finds it worth getting up for." He frowned in annoyance. "Can't see why."

Severus smirked as he stood. "I certainly can." He wrapped his arms around Remus and rocked his hips against him. "Maybe we should give her something to really watch. Might teach her a lesson." He kissed his way up Remus's neck.

Remus felt a cold knot tighten in his stomach. "And maybe not." He moved away from Severus, trying to cover his nervousness with a cough. "So, will you swim with me?"

Severus shook his head. "You go, I'm not much of a swimmer. How long are you usually out? I can start breakfast, if you want."

"Half an hour? I swim south along the shore to the big rock, then come back. There's stuff for an omelet. If you want to do the prep, I'll put it together when I get back."

Severus looked indignant. "I am more than capable of making a perfectly acceptable omelet, I'll have you know."

"Good. You do that." Remus kissed his forehead and disappeared into the house to change.

Remus pushed himself on his swim, partly because he was feeling so good, and partly because, he readily admitted, he wanted to get back to Severus.

He finished his swim feeling energized, only to discover he'd left his towel hanging on the line. He returned the greeting of the woman next door somewhat reluctantly, then started his way carefully up the slope to the house. It was so steep, and covered with slippery pine needles, that after one unplanned trip down the hill on his butt last summer, he'd strung a rope from the deck to the flat rock by way of several tree trunks. He was out of breath when he arrived at the pebbled path by the deck, and a towel dropped on his head from above.

"Yes, I'd definitely get up early to see that." Severus voice rumbled with laughter.

Remus picked his way over the stones to the deck, and faced an amused looking Severus. "Did you see her?"

"I heard her." Severus eyed Remus up and down, his gaze lingering on the front of the white trunks. "Yes," he nodded approval.

Remus cuffed him gently on the shoulder. "I'm going to rinse off. Is breakfast almost ready?"

"Do I look like your maid?"

Remus studied him thoughtfully. "You have the legs for a French maid's outfit, but...." He seesawed his hand. "Maybe not."

"Keep it up; you'll be eating cat food."

Remus laughed, and headed for the shower.

They had breakfast on the deck, a fluffy omelet of green peppers, onions, and cheese, raisin toast, and the remaining strawberries from the night before. There was plenty of hot coffee and warm conversation.

Cleaning up together afterward, Severus rubbed his stomach in appreciation. "If I'm going to be eating like this, maybe I _should_ take up swimming."

All the implications of that statement sent shivers of pleasure through Remus's body. He smiled. "Maybe you should."

Remus dressed for work, and reluctantly kissed Severus good bye. "Call me when you're back?"

"Count on it."

They got in their respective vehicles and headed for Smallville. It was another perfect day.

~~~~


	6. Chapter 6

The next several days passed slowly for Remus, as his thoughts were almost entirely taken up with Severus and the possibilities that seemed to be unfolding.

He had the late tourist run on the day Severus was due back, and it was nine-thirty in the evening when he finally shut down the engine for the day. The late summer light was still lingering, though it was almost dark as he made his way to the office to return his radio. He was looking for the office key on his ring, when a movement caught his eye.

_"Severus!"_ Remus almost dropped his keys in surprise as Severus got out of his van and came toward him. Remus started forward enthusiastically, then, when he saw Ron approaching, he checked himself.

"Hi, Severus." Ron's voice held curiosity as he looked between the two men, but he said nothing else as he continued to the office.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here." Remus fumbled for something to say.

Severus's keen eyes studied him, then flicked to Ron disappearing into the office. "I gather." He shrugged. "How about grabbing something to eat at the Café?"

"Oh, um...."

Ron came out of the office. "I left it open for you." He looked between the two of them again, then headed for his car. "Night."

"See ya, Ron." Remus called, then headed for the office to return his radio. "What about picking up a pizza and some beer? I'm kind of tired."

"If you wish." Severus's voice was non-committal as he waited at the door for Remus to deposit the radio in the charger and turn out the light. Remus locked the door, and they stood under the outside light.

"The Strand is playing _Casablanca_ this week, would you like to go?" Severus's tone held a studied casualness.

"I like that movie, and, um, yes, yes I would, but... can we see what happens?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" His voice was very level.

Remus ran a hand through his hair. What was happening? He'd been so anxious to see Severus. "Please, Severus. Just come home with me." He put all his longing in his voice. "I've missed you."

Severus's expression warmed, and his voice softened. "And I have missed you." He leaned forward, as if to kiss Remus.

Remus responded eagerly, but when the headlights of a turning car swept across them, he pulled back abruptly. He saw Severus's eyes harden.

"Are you ashamed to be seen with me?" Severus's voice was low.

"With _you?_ No! It's just.... That is...." Remus stammered to a halt as he saw Severus's face smooth into a blank mask.

"You're not 'out' to people here, are you?" His voice was hollow. "Foolish of me not to have realized."

"Well, no, I'm not. But that doesn't mean...." Why was everything unraveling so quickly?

"Doesn't mean _what,_ exactly?"

A lonely cicada started his buzzing love song in a clump of grass nearby.

Remus heart sank to his shoes. "It's a small town, Severus." He couldn't keep the pleading note out of his voice. "I... I just don't want any... unpleasantness."

"So it would not be unpleasant for you to deny yourself? To deny me, or your feelings for me, when in public? It would not be unpleasant for me not to be able to greet you in public, or go to the movies or dinner with you? It would not be unpleasant for you to have to guard your every move, your every look, your every word while working with me?"

"Severus...."

"You wish to fuck me in private but deny me in public, is that it?" The baldness of the question, delivered in an icy tone, dashed every hope Remus had. He looked at Severus with his heart in his eyes, but was met with only a cold glare.

"I'm sorry." Remus almost choked on the words. "Please understand...."

Severus cut him off. "Oh, I _do_ understand. Very well. But I will not go back in the closet, Remus." He took a deep, unsteady breath. "Not for anyone." His voice thickened. "Not even for you."

There was a pause, a pause in which Remus's world emptied of all light and laughter, then Severus turned on his heel, and went back to his van, his back stiff, his stride uneven.

Remus stood under the light for a long time, staring at the nothingness within. Even the cicada had given up on finding love.

~~

Remus drove home in a daze. He gave Hairy some food and fell on the bed fully clothed, thinking he wouldn't sleep. He did, however, deeply and dreamlessly. When he finally awoke, long after his normal time, it was to the sound of a _very_ annoyed cat bleating in his ear, and the feel of a paw relentlessly rapping on his head.

He pushed Hairy aside and stumbled down the stairs, feeling too off-balance to slide. After seeing to both his and Hairy's immediate needs, he stood on the deck, staring out at the lake.

He had two days off. Two days he had planned on spending with Severus. Two days of talking and laughing and mind-melting loving. He took a long, shuddering breath. Yes, he was thinking of it as loving, not just sex.

What had he done? What had he _done?_

He grabbed his damp, chilly trunks off the deck railing and changed in the living room. Stumbling down the hill, he fell into the water and started swimming. Instead of heading along the shore as he usually did, he struck out for the center of the lake, his steady crawl propelling him further and further from land. He didn't think, he didn't feel, he just swam. When his leg cramped, he realized he'd exhausted himself. Immediately, his senses cleared, and every ounce of self-preservation he had kicked in. He controlled his panic, turning on his back and floating, trying to stretch out the cramp without inhaling half the lake in the process.

It wasn't working very well, and he was starting to wonder if he was in real trouble when he heard someone shout his name. Splashing upright, he looked around and saw Mr. Goodwin standing in his rowboat, fishing pole in hand.

"Remus, you all right?"

Not being able to come up with anything else, Remus settled for, **"No!"**

Mr. Goodwin dropped his pole and scrambled for the oars, bringing the boat to where Remus was having more and more difficulty saying afloat. Remus grabbed the gunwale and Mr. Goodwin helped him over the side. He sprawled on the bottom of the boat, working the cramp in his leg until it was gone. He finally looked up into Mr. Goodwin's worried face.

"Cramp."

"What are you doing way out here? I thought you usually stayed in-shore."

Remus was still catching his breath, and the enormity of his stupidity was just seeping in.

"Stupid." He shook his head, managing a smile. "You probably just saved my life, Mr. Goodwin. Thank you."

Mr. Goodwin settled himself at the oars and pulled for shore. "The Mrs. is always telling me I shouldn't come this far out," he grumbled. "Good thing I don't listen."

"Good thing indeed." Remus closed his eyes and let the sun warm him. He looked up when the boat bumped his flat rock, and scrambled to his feet, stepping out carefully.

"You sure you're alright?"

Remus assured him he was, and Mr. Goodwin left muttering to himself about how the young folk these days didn't seem to have any common sense. Remus couldn't help smiling as he made his way slowly up the hill to the house.

He was exhausted and his leg hurt, but his mind was clear.

"It's just not meant to be, Hairy," he said firmly as he fixed himself coffee and toast after a long, hot shower. "I'm not cut out for relationships. They never work out."

He carried his breakfast to the couch and sat sideways, lifting his still-sore leg onto the cushions. Hairy climbed into his lap.

"I can't do it _right,_ is all. I just... it's not... I'm just not _good_ enough."

The silence of the room seemed to reproach him. He had never said the words aloud before.

The toast seemed to stick in his throat, and he took a sip of coffee. "That sounds pretty self-pitying, said out loud," he whispered to Hairy. Hairy blinked his green eyes, then reached out a paw and patted Remus's arm. He scratched Hairy's ears.

"But it's always been that way." Inside his head came the voice of an old man he had met long ago. _When things go wrong in your life, who is the_ one person _who's always there, mm? Not your mother, or your father, or your second grade teacher, is it?_

"But I'd have to come out of the closet." Remus tipped his head back, his coffee forgotten.

He let his mind take him back, back to San Francisco, and a time when he _was_ out. Sirius had been fearless about his sexuality, getting in anyone's face if they so much as looked at him sideways. Sirius was always quoting Harvey Milk, saying that you _had_ to come out. That people would come to accept gays once they understood that they actually already _knew_ some, and the world had not ended. "Come out," Sirius had said. "Ya gotta come out."

And he had, for a while. But after Sirius and James had died, Remus had curled in on himself. Then it became easy to stay that way, to stay under the radar with his sexuality. Easier to get a job in the mostly-straight world of the railroad, easier to live in small towns.

Remus blinked. At least, he'd assumed it was easier. Since he wasn't out, how would he know how hard it would have been? _What if, all these years...?_

Remus clamped down firmly on his thoughts. There was absolutely nothing to be gained going the self-pity route again.

"So, what do I do?" he asked Hairy.

Hairy didn't answer.

"It's too late, Hairy. Severus doesn't want me any more." He winced at the sound of the words. _Pathetic._ Besides, Severus hadn't rejected him; he'd rejected Severus. He thought of the hurt and anger he'd seen in those dark eyes, the set of Severus's shoulders as he'd walked away. No, Severus hadn't rejected him.

He took a deep breath and organized his thoughts. _What might happen if I come out?_ he thought. _Worst case scenario._ Would he lose his job? No, the law protected him. Bill and Charlie wouldn't invite him for beer any more? He could live with that. Arthur wouldn't like him? He found he didn't really care about that, either. People would be mean to him? He snorted aloud, startling Hairy.

"Dear god, when did I become so pathetic?" he asked aloud as the big cat settled down again.

_What is there to gain?_ Severus's face came back to him with its myriad of expressions. The raised eyebrow, the hesitant smile, the outright laughter, the way it melted in passionate release. He had seen some of the pain suffered by those who lived being true to their orientation, but he had seen just as much suffering in those who didn't.

"Severus," Remus whispered to Hairy, "is worth it."

Hairy jumped off his lap and crossed the room. Remus watched as the cat fished his catnip mouse out from under the overstuffed chair and started to bat it around. Remus smiled and moved off the couch toward the phone.

Severus didn't answer, and Remus didn't leave a message. What if he was just screening his calls? Did he have caller ID? Remus couldn't remember.

He tried several more times that day, and into the evening with no results. The next day, he tried only a few times, wondering if Severus had gone somewhere. Not knowing what to say, he left no message.

~~

The next few days found Remus short-tempered and cross. He snapped at Charlie, was surly to Arthur, and was an all-around miserable bastard to just about everyone.

At the end of his work week, Arthur made an announcement. "Severus is coming back."

"Yes, I know." Remus banged the coffee pot back on the burner, making Arthur wince. "On the twentieth."

"No," Arthur watched him warily. "Next week."

Remus froze. "Why?" he barked, and Arthur blinked. "Sorry, Arthur. Bad week." He took a deep breath. "Why the change in plan?"

"Draco has decided he's in love." Arthur rolled his eyes. Draco decided he was in love at least once a month. "He asked to be transferred to the south end, so I'm bringing Severus back. I thought that might make you happy?" He looked uneasy.

Remus swallowed. "Why did you think that?"

"Well, I know you two are friends, and I got the impression you don't have a lot of close friends around here – _not that you aren't likeable,_ you are, so I don't really get why you don't, but...." He trailed off, looking embarrassed. "I just thought you'd... be glad." Arthur looked ready to bolt for the door.

Remus blinked. _Why did I ever think this would be so hard?_ "You're right, Arthur. On all counts." Remus rinsed his mug in the sink and left the office, leaving Arthur looking puzzled, but relieved.

~~

Remus needed a haircut. He'd heard about a new place that supposedly did great work, so he tried it out and had to admit that the money was well spent. His hair looked shaggier than ever, the fringe hanging in his eyes, the back and sides layered just so.

He then drove to Biggerton and went shopping. Not at the mall, but downtown in the rejuvenated old section, where there were old brick buildings, big pots of flowers, sidewalk cafes, and lots of rainbow colored flags. The first time he entered a store flying the pride flag – it was a book store – he felt a bit nervous, but the young man behind the counter just smiled at him, and went back to reading. Remus bought a new notebook, got an appreciative once-over by the clerk, and went on his way, his steps light.

He visited a vintage clothing store where he found an old vest in a riotous paisley of maroon, dark blue, light blue and light pink with metallic-gold highlights. He paid too much money for it and left humming happily. His next stop was a more modern clothing store where he looked for a shirt to go with the vest. He found a style he liked, but....

"Oh no, honey, not that color. It's waaay to coral to go with your skin tones." The middle-aged man who owned the store took the shirt from Remus and shoved it back on the rack. He grabbed Remus by the wrist and led him to a different part of the store. "This will bring out that gorgeous summer tan." He held up a shirt in a pale pink that would just match the vest, and Remus smiled. It was perfect.

During the days before Severus was due back at work, Remus tried his phone several times each day, not really expecting an answer, but enjoying listening to his deep voice on the answering machine. Having an excess of energy, he gave his house a thorough cleaning, brushed Hairy until the cat bit him in protest, and even washed his old truck.

Finally, the day dawned when Severus would be back on the job with him. He dressed in a very old, very faded, very _snug_ pair of jeans, and – he had to rummage in the back of the dresser drawer to find it – a tee shirt Teddy had given him years ago. He hadn't worn it much, so the fuchsia was still strong, and Minnie Mouse still smiled brightly from the front. It was tight, and he had to roll the sleeves up so they wouldn't bind on his biceps. He grinned into the mirror, _Gayer than a basket full of kittens._ He had started wearing his earrings again, and added just a touch of eyeliner before giving his hair a final shake and heading off to work.

Shutting off his truck in the parking lot, he saw that Severus wasn't there yet. He'd planned on that, arriving a little earlier than usual. Heading for the office, he passed Bill and Charlie, just heading for the engine house.

"Nice shirt," Charlie drawled.

Remus gave him a big grin and a cheery, "Thanks!"

Charlie laughed and continued on his way.

Arthur looked up when he came in, froze, then blinked and stared like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Morning, Arthur." Remus headed for the coffee pot.

Arthur cleared his throat. "Morning."

Before he had poured his coffee, he heard Severus's motorcycle through the open door, and heedless of Arthur's curious look, headed out to meet Severus in the parking lot. He watched as Severus got off his bike, shoved his gloves inside the helmet, and hung them over the handlebars. Severus pulled the tie from his hair, smoothed the long strands back with his fingers, and retied it. Finally he turned, and Remus approached him, thumbs hooked in his front pockets.

"Hi, Severus." His voice was a little breathy, but he didn't care.

Severus gave him a once over, taking in every detail, then raised an eyebrow. "Hello." His voice was even, guarded.

"I tried to call you."

"I saw your 394 hang-ups on my machine." One corner of his mouth may have twitched.

Remus held his gaze. "Will you come out with me tonight? Dinner, and maybe a movie?" He smiled tentatively. "It's the last night for _Casablanca._ "

"Is this a date?" Severus's tone was dry.

"Yes," Remus smiled slowly. "It's a date."

Severus looked at him for a long time, his expression carefully neutral, and Remus watched him, holding his gaze, determined not to beg. Severus was the first to look away, over the tracks toward an old warehouse. Remus thought he saw something that might be hurt pass over Severus's features.

"And tomorrow, will you bolt back into your closet again?" He brought his gaze back to Remus's face, his features under control once more.

"No." Remus kept his voice steady. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

Severus's eyes widened momentarily in surprise, but then he gave a small shrug. "That's easy enough to say."

"Severus," he lowered his voice. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I warned you I wasn't very good at these things – _not that that's an excuse,_ but I'd like another chance."

The silence stretched out, broken only by the sounds of passing cars.

"Please?" Remus almost whispered the word.

Severus suddenly shook himself and nodded. "If you wish."

Remus beamed, but before he could say anything else, Arthur hollered from the doorway of the office. "Are you two planning on getting any work done today?"

Remus turned. "OK, OK, _mother._ We're on it." He laughed as he headed back to the office, Severus at his side, looking more sober.

They picked up their orders and their radios, and headed out, Severus inspecting the cars while Remus checked over and warmed up the locomotive. Once made up and on their way, they settled in together in the cab, Remus's eyes glued to the track, Severus looking out the side window. Their conversation was about inconsequential things; Severus was still reserved, but Remus was happy that things were as relaxed as they were. He kept stealing glances at Severus, drinking in the sight of his long legs, his graceful hands, and the silky hair that kept escaping from its tie. He had missed Severus.

They were crossing the Noname River when Severus suddenly dealt Remus a slap on the side of the head with the rolled up way bills.

"Change. Your. Tune." Severus growled at him.

_"Ow!"_ Remus rubbed his stinging ear. "What was that for?"

"You've been humming the same damn tune for an hour and a half." Severus spoke through gritted teeth. _"Change it."_

"OK, OK," Remus laughed. "But you'll have to tell me what it was, because I have no idea."

Severus shook his head sadly. "An idiot. _Clearly_ an idiot."

Remus saw the laughter in Severus's eyes, and his heart soared. "So tell me. And I do take requests."

"You've been humming _City of New Orleans_ , and _anything_ else will do."

Remus cleared the signal, and eased the run lever back to slow for the curve at the end of the bridge. Severus leaned out his window watching the rear of the train, and when the last car was around the bend, he pulled back in and nodded to Remus, who increased their speed.

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw Severus reach for the rolled bills again, and stopped breathing. He knew if he wasn't breathing, he wasn't humming. Severus turned the papers idly in his hand while looking down the track. Remus let his breath out slowly, racking his brain for a song, _any song._ He knew hundreds, but of course, couldn't think of a one. Another glance at Severus, and he noticed that the laugh lines around his eyes were deepening, and he saw the corner of his mouth twitch. Remus relaxed and launched into _Some Enchanted Evening._

Severus smiled.

Remus dressed in his new vest and shirt that evening and teamed them up with his gunmetal-gray pants and his "special" underwear. He put in new earrings that he'd bought in Biggerton, small gold hoops with a single, colored glass bead on each. He reapplied his eyeliner, added a bit of shadow, and set off to meet Severus.

They met on the street outside the door to Severus's apartment, saving Remus the two flights of stairs, then crossed the main street and went up a narrow side street to the Waterworks Tavern. Dinner was a relaxed affair as they slipped back into their old familiarity with an ease that had Remus's heart singing. Maybe he hadn't ruined things after all. They didn't linger and, after settling the check, walked down Main Street to the Strand. The old theater had been lovingly restored and now featured a venue of live entertainment and classic movies. Settling in an aisle seat with a big tub of popcorn and Severus beside him, Remus was as happy as he'd ever been.

Later, after they left the theater and were heading toward Severus's, their hands brushed. Remus took a chance and wound his fingers around Severus's for a quick squeeze. Two teenage girls, who were standing in a doorway they were passing, giggled.

"Ewwww, that's so gross," came an exaggerated whisper.

Remus felt the familiar clenching of his insides.

"I _know,_ " her companion replied in the same penetrating whisper. "They're so _old._ "

When Remus glanced at Severus in time to see his eyebrows hit his hairline, the tension suddenly melted away, and he burst out laughing. Severus gave him a scandalized look, and he laughed the harder, leaning on Severus's shoulder and wiping at tears. Severus shook his head, then put an arm around Remus's waist to help him down the street.

Remus gained control of himself long before they had gone the two blocks to Severus's, but Severus did not remove his arm. Inside the door, Severus turned to face Remus on the small landing at the foot of the stairs.

"I wasn't sure I wanted to jump right back into this." He reached up and smoothed Remus's cheek with his thumb.

"And now?" Remus looked up through his lashes at Severus with what he hoped was his heart, and not just unmitigated lust, in his eyes. From the twitch at the corner of Severus's mouth and the dilating of his eyes, he wasn't sure he was entirely successful.

"I'm still angry with you." Severus didn't sound angry.

"How angry?" Remus couldn't help but sound slightly hopeful.

Severus leaned into him, pinning him against the wall, and pressing a leg between Remus's thighs. Remus groaned, his eyes fluttering closed.

Severus nipped his neck, growling in his ear. "I ought to take that gorgeous ass of yours upstairs and _fuck it_ right through the mattress for what you did."

Remus gasped, gripping Severus's ass and pulling him closer. "It's a good thing I'm not still twenty, or I'd have come just now."

"If you were still twenty, it wouldn't matter because you'd be able to come again in thirty minutes." Severus kissed his throat.

"Twenty." Remus licked the underside of Severus's jaw.

"Braggart." Severus nuzzled his ear and slipped a hand between them, cupping Remus and squeezing until Remus spread his legs, moaning wantonly.

"Tell me again," Severus's voice was rough, "that you are not going to run back into the closet tomorrow. Tell me you've courage enough to be who you are. To be with me."

Remus gulped and tried to recall his speech function. "I've locked that door and thrown away the key, Severus, though I may occasionally need a little help to be brave."

"You even try to hide, and I'll kick your ass. Will that be help enough?" He pulled back just enough to study Remus's face. "You weren't just happy when you were in The City, you were _alive._ I won't accept less than that, understood?"

Remus swallowed around the lump in his throat as he nodded. "Understood."

Severus rocked his hips against Remus, making his desire clear. "And while I can't make promises for the distant future, I'm not letting you go anytime soon."

"You just try and get rid of me," Remus growled in his ear.

A door slammed overhead, and they fell apart as the second-floor tenant trotted down the stairs. She cast a quick look at the two of them and blushed, lowering her eyes and passing between them with a quiet, "'Scuse me," as she went out into the street.

Remus tipped his head back until it thumped against the wall. "Do you think she thought...?"

Severus laughed. "If you could see yourself, you wouldn't have to ask." He cocked his head. "You look totally wanton, and _so_ ready to be fucked." His face sobered. "And I believe I said something about doing just that, didn't I?"

Remus shivered. "You did." He suddenly felt a bubble of laughter well up, and squelched it forcibly. "You're not worried that we're _too old?_ "

Severus's eyes flared. "You just get that ass of yours up those stairs, and I'll show you how _old_ we are."

Severus was still fumbling with his key on the landing when Remus started tugging the tails of his shirt loose from behind. He ran his hands around Severus's ribs and brushed them over his nipples as he buried his face in the hair at the back of Severus's neck.

"Want you," he breathed the words against Severus's warm skin.

Severus growled, and, finally getting the key in the lock, shoved the door open. He kicked it closed and pulled Remus to him, devouring his mouth.

Their hands were everywhere as they made their way to the bed, clothing falling unnoticed to the floor, boots kicked aside to be hunted for in the morning. When they finally fell on the bed naked, Severus rolled on top of Remus, aligning their cocks and rocking slowly against him. Remus whimpered into Severus's mouth and bucked his hips against him, but Severus increased neither the speed nor the pressure of his movements.

"Patience, Remus," Severus growled as he kissed the corner of Remus's mouth.

"Fuck patience. Fuck _me,_ " Remus gasped and pulled Severus's hips against him.

"We're old now," Severus teased. "We have to be careful." He slid back, kissing his way down to one of Remus's nipples, which he licked, then blew on. Remus made a strangled noise and writhed under Severus.

Severus moved off Remus and nudged his hip. "Over."

Remus moved onto his stomach, his heart pounding, and Severus ran a hand down his back, then over and around his ass.

"That is one gorgeous ass you have, Remus Lupin."

Remus turned his head and laughed. "So will you fuck it already, old man? Or is it too much for you?"

Severus eyes gleamed in the greenish light. "Stay here." He got off the bed and headed for the living room.

"Where do you think I'm going to go?" Remus's voice was half laughter, half desperation.

Severus returned with a bolster from the couch and slapped Remus's ass. "Up."

Remus raised himself on his hands and good knee, and Severus slipped the bolster under his hips. He arranged himself comfortably and lay down again.

"Now _that_ is a beautiful sight." Severus stroked him as he fished in the drawer for condom and lube with his other hand. He nudged Remus's legs apart, and Remus heard the faint sound of foil tearing.

Remus held his breath waiting, then sighed as Severus's hands touched him again, fingers fanning over Remus's cheeks, spreading him and squeezing firmly. One thumb, slick with lube, pressed behind Remus's balls, then slid up and pressed against his opening. He spread his legs farther in silent invitation. Severus's fingers dug into his cheeks hard enough to bruise, but his thumbs was gentle as they massaged and stretched him, relaxing the muscles and preparing him.

"Please, Severus."

Severus stretched out over Remus to whisper in his ear. "If you're good, and don't come on my cushion, I'll make it worth your while."

"Oh, _fuck._ " Remus clenched his fists in the pillow as another lightning bolt of arousal shot straight to his groin.

He heard Severus's low chuckle as he moved back, then the steady pressure of his cock, seeking entrance. Remus breathed deep, relaxing as much as possible, every nerve yearning for the feel of Severus inside him.

When Severus breached him, he inhaled sharply, enjoying the familiar burn, the feeling of being taken by a trusted lover. He didn't bottom for just anyone.

Severus moved forward an inch at a time, stopping to allow Remus time to adjust to the intrusion. It took only two such pauses to drive Remus to the edge.

"Please, goddammit Severus, I'm not some fragile flower. _Fuck me._ " He almost laughed in his desperation.

He felt Severus lean forward, changing the angle a little, then Severus drove forward, sinking himself completely inside Remus. Remus clawed at the pillow, making desperate little sounds, his body on fire.

Severus fucked him slowly, every stroke pushing and tugging at Remus's body, stretching him, filling him, making him catch fire and burn. Ripples of sensation surged up and down Remus's body with each slide of Severus's cock. Finally, he could bear the sweet pain of it no longer.

"Please, Severus... faster... can't stand it... need... god, _please._ " He was shivering and whimpering, a mass of pure sensation.

Severus complied, driving forward hard enough to make Remus cry out in pleasure and relief. Severus kept up the quick pace, thrusting against Remus, making him brace himself against the headboard and cry out semi-coherent words of passion and encouragement.

Remus felt his release starting to build and didn't see how he could possibly summon enough control to stop it when Severus thrust hard one last time, holding himself deep inside Remus. Remus felt Severus's cock pulse inside him and almost wept with emotion.

Severus slipped out of him gently, moved aside and tugged at his hip. "Over." The word was half gasped, half growled, and Remus squirmed onto his back, knocking the bolster to the floor. Severus grabbed a condom, put it on Remus with trembling hands, lowered his head, and sucked every last one of Remus's brain cells out through his cock.

Remus was barely aware of Severus getting off the bed, or returning moments later with a warm washcloth. He lay like a person unconscious as Severus tended to him gently and thoroughly, and didn't take in the soft words at all. His breathing was just returning to normal when Severus stretched out beside him. He lay still, staring at the patterns of light on the ceiling and enjoying the warmth of Severus body, not thinking a single thought.

"Have you ever thought of having it replaced?" Severus's voice seemed to come from another planet, and Remus struggled to make sense of the words.

"My dick?" He turned to look vacantly at Severus.

Severus rolled onto his back, laughing helplessly. "No, my perfect idiot, your _knee._ "

"Oh." Remus's mind returned reluctantly. "No." He frowned in thought. "A doctor mentioned looking into it once, but I didn't have the insurance at the time. I never thought of it again. Don't even know if it's possible."

Severus rolled toward him again propping his head on one hand. "You could look into it." He grinned lecherously. "Think of all the new sexual positions you could try."

Remus laughed, but the idea lingered as he turned toward Severus and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed Severus slowly until Severus laced long fingers through Remus's hair, and his mind stopped thinking of anything at all.

~~~~


	7. Epilogue

A cool breeze flowed off the ocean and swirled around the hotel that was serving as a base for exploration during their vacation. Fresh from the shower, Remus and Severus were on the little deck outside their room, sipping tall glasses of L&P and enjoying the noonday sun. They had risen early, hiked the trails around Otago harbor, and were now relaxing before their afternoon ride on New Zealand's historic Taieri Gorge Railway.

"How's the knee?" Severus turned his back to the magnificent view and leaned on the railing.

Remus winced as he stretched his legs, leaning back in his chair. "Perfect."

"I can see that." Severus sounded only slightly amused.

Remus flexed his knee, sitting up again to rub at the slight ache. He looked at Severus's concerned face. "It bends, Severus. Do you have any idea how that still amazes me? Having to learn to walk, at my age," he shook his head, "but to be able to climb, to run, to _ride a bicycle,_ " he lowered his voice to a growl, "to make love to you in a hundred different ways? It's still a miracle to me, and any small aches are of no consequence."

Severus nodded slowly, his expression soft. "All right, then, I guess I can allow you a few aches and pains."

He reached into his back pocket, withdrew an envelope and handed it to Remus. "They brought this up while you were still singing in the shower."

Remus took the envelope with barely suppressed excitement. It bore the return address of the literary agent in New York that Severus had insisted he meet about the possibility of publishing his journals. He tore it open and scanned the first paragraph.

"Severus, she found a publisher who wants to print my journal! Can you imagine?"

"Yes, I can." His voice was amused. "Which is precisely why I introduced you to her. Is that all the letter says?"

Remus was still reading, his eyes growing wider and wider in wonder. "She says the publisher is interested in doing _a series._ They may want to publish _all_ of them." He looked up. "Severus, did you know about this?"

Severus gave a slight shrug. "I might have called her yesterday while you were swimming. I thought that letter was overdue." He over-rode Remus's protest. "I told you your journals were good. You have a wonderful, engaging style. They will be absolutely perfect for the armchair travelers of the world. Although," he smiled, "it is a shame they had to be bowdlerized so extensively. I was rather fond of the part with the bellhop in the Paris hotel."

"Those days are over." Remus felt his face heat.

"I certainly hope not. Well, with random bellhops perhaps, but while I may not be quite as flexible as that young man – who, if you are to be believed, was _very_ flexible – I see no reason why sex in elevators should be excluded from your life."

"Oh, Severus." Remus laughed, then he shook his head in wonder. "It's been a year for miracles."

Severus sipped his drink, the sun glinting off the gold band on the ring finger of his left hand.

Remus felt his throat close with emotion. "And that's the biggest miracle of all." His voice was soft.

Severus looked at the ring on his hand in speculation, then at Remus's matching ring. "It is rather, isn't it?" He laughed suddenly and raised his glass. "To miracles."

Remus rose and clinked his glass against Severus's. "To miracles."

~~the end~~


End file.
